Too much honesty?

How honest do we have to be, really?

Last night in the car my wife and I were talking about how easy it would be to permanently ruin a person's reputation these days.  How many news stories have we heard recently where a woman accuses a man (correctly or not) of sexually assaulting her?  Even if he proves himself clear, he'll never rid himself of that accusation.  Yikes!  As a father of a son, I worry about possible future ramifications for him.  What if some girl tries to accuse him wrongfully?  He'll always have that taint about him. However, as a father of daughters, I would want to be able to crush anyone that mistreated one of them in the wrong way.   Such a knife's edge we have to tread these days!

It wouldn't be an issue if we could just trust what people have to say these days.  If we lived in a culture where no one lied then that wouldn't be something to worry about.  But I guess it would be fair to say the same about the other things we struggle with.  I know that I personally have lied before.  I cannot say, "I will never lie again" either.

How do we lie?  We can outright lie.  We can tell "white lies." We can shift people's attention away from the truth.  We say everything except that one part that would be a lie and stop there.  We can share nothing at all.  We can make excuses for what we did.  We can be downright crooked in everything that we say, or even just a little false once in a while.  But either way, I know that I am still a lier. 

Does it really matter if we lie to people?  They don't really have an eternal impact on my life, do they?  But they do.  I have become really convinced in the last couple of years with how important relationships with others is.  How I treat the world around me affects what my kids will have to deal with when they are adults.  How I treat the people I interact with affects how they feel about me and my effect on my family, my friends, and the world.  How I treat myself forms what I even think is truth and where I am really at in life.  (I know that I can lie even to myself!)  I can pray to God and lie there, but regardless of what my mouth says He knows the truth even better than I do.

So what do I do?  I know that I have lied in my past.  I know that even today I don't have a 100% accurate picture of where I really am at.  I know that I will lie in the future.  But the Bible speaks against lying.  It's even one of the Ten Commandments!

Luckily, I have continued to read through the Bible, not just ending there.  Paul writes to the Romans the following:

“21So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:21-25a, NIV)

Jesus Christ has done what the rest of us are not able to do: He lived a sinless life and then died on the cross so that I would have my sins paid for with His sacrifice.  He then rose from the dead so that I could instead have a relationship with him and live an abundant life!  So regardless of what I have done in my life, regardless of what I fail to do today, and regardless of how I sin in the future, I know that His love and grace cover me!  His love then moves me to seek to be honest in my life, but I don't have to worry about failing.

Let me use a circus example.  Honesty often feels like doing the high wire in a circus show.  I can fall off of the high wire stretched above and I know that God will save me.  He asks me to climb back up and try again, but he is the safety net that keeps me from death.  He is the trainer that offers words of encouragement and correction.  He is the roaring group of spectators that encourages me and celebrates when I succeed and moans when I fail.

The answer to lying?  God very much does not want me to lie.  He desires my honesty in all things at all times.  But he has also recognized that we are very self-centered most of the time.  He has taken care of the consequences as we build our relationship with Him.  I try to not lie in any amount.  But I still do.  God knows because he knows everything--and because in my spiritual life I confess to him (and a mentor) what I do.  I find it so much better to not be perfect but to be real.  Be real too.

Frustration!!! What point is there anyway?

Ever feel frustrated?  I know that I do all the time!  It can be something humongous and complicated or tiny and small.  I have experienced a range of frustrations through my life.  How close that guy was when he cut in front of me in traffic this morning (like just missed my bumper!).  The tone of my wife's voice when she's relating something to me.  Being told that as I continue to grow older my body will be performing less and less as well than it used to--and there is nothing that I can do about that.  Things can really frustrate me, sometimes even to the point where it stops me from progressing onward.

So what am I feeling when I am frustrated?  I have been somewhat surprised to note that I feel many

Sometimes, right???

different feelings when I am frustrated.  I expected frustration to be some form of anger set on a low simmering heat, kind of like the sidewalks in Arizona in the summertime.  But that's not all there is to frustration.  There can be an air of melancholy desperation that causes me to be sad and want to just quit.  There can be the feeling of sinking in quicksand and being stuck, unable to get yourself out.  Frustration rears its ugly head when you are at a point where you cannot see a possibility of changing the situation that you're in.

So how have I learned to deal with frustration? I used to push all my feelings away and just try to disappear from the situation.  I used to try to control the situation, and the people, and how everyone felt about what was going on.  Even still today I still find myself trying to react like I used to: either disappear or use others.  But I have found a different path that I wanted to explore.

What I have found to be my most effective antidote to the clinging cancer of frustration is to know that there is actually a way out.  Whether it would come from me, another person, or God Himself; I need to know that there is a solution.  But how do I come to that knowledge?  It sure isn't easy--I definitely had found that I floundered in frustration's continuous grasp way too often.  When I am frustrated I often get too emotional to hear the truth or make changes in my behavior.  But the truth is what I need to have in my hands in order to break that grasp.




Here's what I have found helpful to find the truth in my situations in life:

1. Ask myself what I am feeling right at that moment.  Then I explore why I am feeling that way.
2. Ask myself what I am thinking.  Does that match my feelings?
3. Look for truth in my feelings and accept them.  Then let go of the things that aren't true.
4. Look for ways that I can follow in order to relieve myself of my frustration.
1. Sometimes I need to actually do something and not just sit there thinking about my frustration.  Am I afraid or angry?  Hungry or tired?  Lonely?  Do I just need to stand up and do my part?
2. Sometimes I need to ask someone else to help me.  This is probably the hardest thing for me to do, personally.  It can add frustration upon frustration if I am not careful.
3. Finally, there are times where there is nothing that I can do, nothing that other people can do, only God can find an answer or solution for me.  This is not a form of giving up, it is ultimately surrendering everything to God and trusting in him.

I have found these verses helpful when I am at the place where trusting God is what I need to do, what I am called to, what I must do:

33 “I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world.” John 16:33 (NCV)

7 Give all your worries to him, because he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NCV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

11 "I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. 12 Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!" Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NCV)

2 My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, 3 because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. 4 Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need. 5 But if any of you needs wisdom, you should ask God for it. He is generous to everyone and will give you wisdom without criticizing you. James 1:2-5 (NCV)

I have found peace in these Bible passages when I read through them.  And there are more!  The Bible has many passages that teach us how to accept where we are and then move forward.  Often though I have found that the only thing I need to move is myself--trusting in myself never works as well as trusting God.

Psalm 51: Responsibility and God

Have you ever had a bad day?  Not just a, "Got up on the wrong side of the bed," kind of day but one that truly sucks?  I know I have--many times.  Some have been health-related, out of my control, days.  Like the day I ended up rolling over in a Honda Civic three times with four other guys and survived.  Or the day where I was diagnosed with cancer and spent many, many, many days dealing with and healing from that close-to-death disease.  But none of those days left me with shame like the ones caused by my own decisions and choices.

What do I mean?  When I read through Paul's first letter to Timothy and read these words:

15 What I say is true, and you should fully accept it: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst. 16 But I was given mercy so that in me, the worst of all sinners, Christ Jesus could show that he has patience without limit. His patience with me made me an example for those who would believe in him and have life forever.  (1 Tim 1:15-16 NCV)

Those words really struck a chord in my soul as I read them.  They were written by Paul who was considered to be one of the top leaders in the developing church and yet he still considered himself to be the worst of all sinners--and therefore greatly blessed by God's grace.  I too have felt myself to be someone who has sinned greatly in my life.  There have been many times in my life where I asked myself the question, "Should I do God's work today? Because I just did..." and would go ahead and do it but feeling increased guilt and shame as I did.

Then I heard from someone that God is bigger than we are.  I can't remember his name but I have been greatly affected by that statement.  God is bigger than my mistakes.  God can truly take everything I've done (sinful or not) and work that into the story of His grace for me.  I can take the prayer of King David found in Psalms 51:5-12 (NCV)

⁵ I was brought into this world in sin.
    In sin my mother gave birth to me.

⁶ You want me to be completely truthful,
    so teach me wisdom.
⁷ Take away my sin, and I will be clean.
    Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness;
    let the bones you crushed be happy again.
⁹ Turn your face from my sins
    and wipe out all my guilt.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, God,
    and make my spirit right again.
¹¹ Do not send me away from you
    or take your Holy Spirit away from me.
¹² Give me back the joy of your salvation.
    Keep me strong by giving me a willing spirit.

One of the things that made David a "Man of God" was how willing he was to turn and change when God called him to do that.  He took responsibility for his mistakes. He did not blame others or the situation.  He was by no means a sinless man, but he understood that he had a relationship with the Creator and Redeemer.  I have a model in Scripture that is not perfect, yet still longs for his Savior and wants to work his life in the ways of God.  That's what I want to do too.

I found this picture when doing some research on this blog.  Enjoy!

( I found it here: http://derekbruff.org/blogs/sketchnotes/2017/02/26/passion-psalm-51/ and he has awesome others to check out too!)

Why did I get sick???

I just came back to work after being sick this last weekend.  It was not fun.  I was fairly tired all the time, and queasy, and just wanted to wrap up in warm blankets and go to sleep.  Today I'm still a little sick, but I am trying my best to power through and be productive.  I don't feel good.

So I asked myself this question, "Why would a loving God let me be sick?"  Isn't that a question that we all have from time to time? Often if someone we know is sick--especially when they are REALLY sick.  I am reminded of the Bible verse that says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Phil 4:13)."  So if this is true, why can't I get better?  Or, in my mind, better now rather than later.  Even if I have others pray for me (see James 5:16) I don't always get better in the way I visualize.  So why does God let me be sick?

I have read through the Bible several times over these last many years that I have been in a relationship with Jesus.  I have read many different places where God has allowed people to be sick.  Some were sick because of their choices.  Some were sick because God wanted to glorify Himself through healing them.  Some were sick because it kept them humble.  Some we just don't know why they were sick.

Often we cannot tell why we were sick at a certain time or in a certain place.  I was very sick several

My family and I at the Run of Hope, a
5k designed to raise money to fight brain
cancer in kids.

years ago.  I was diagnosed with cancer.  There are several ways that I am still recovering from that sickness.  And its a burden because the kind of cancer I have does not get "fixed," it just "goes to sleep" and will reappear sometime in the future.  Why did God let me go through that?  Why did that pain and suffering also need to be inflicted on my wife and kids?  For a significant amount of time, it changed how my family interacted and created several things that have been very difficult for me to accept and some that were extremely frustrating for me.

So why?  I still don't know today.  I have heard and spoke with several people who have had cancer, or knew someone close who struggled with cancer.  It may have been related to poor choices I had made in my past.  It may be something God gave me to really humble myself and accept the help of other people in my life--something I desperately needed to learn at the time.  I also ask myself quite often, "Why did I survive this very difficult form of cancer and others fail?"  The truth is that I don't know.  It could be any, or all of, or none of the possibilities listed above.

There is a piece of Scripture that gives me some peace in my heart:

"7 So that I would not become too proud of the wonderful things that were shown to me, a painful physical problem[b] was given to me. This problem was a messenger from Satan, sent to beat me and keep me from being too proud. 8 I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.” So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can live in me. 10 For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong."  2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NCV)

Paul was a servant of the Lord that did many mighty deeds through the power Christ gave him, and he still became ill and God wouldn't heal him of that affliction.  Despite all the churches he started, despite all the prayers he prayed and people he healed, God did not heal him.  The encouraging line in this passage is "When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you." I have come to value the times where I struggle and need to rely on the strength of God to make it through.  I won't say that they were fun times.  But they were times of growth for me, and a pattern of faith I can show other people.

So will I ever know the answer to why was I sick?  Probably not.  Am I okay with that?  Yes, because my God's power is made perfect in my weaknesses.

Are we truly free, or are we not?

Freedom!
When I hear this word I get an image in my mind from the movie Braveheart, where William Wallace is encouraging his side and yells, "Freedom!!!"  Where in my own life do I have a desire for freedom?  And what is freedom?

Freedom is: noun

1. the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint: "He won his freedom after a retrial."
2. exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.
3. the power to determine action without restraint
4. political or national independence.
5. personal liberty, as opposed to bondage or slavery: "a slave who bought his freedom."

There are times when I feel like there is an enemy and that I am the target of all his attacks.  Whether or not that is true, I long for this feeling of freedom.  But what do I want freedom from?

I want freedom from:

• Pain/suffering
  
• Slavery
• Addiction
• Oppression
• Sexuality
• Cruelty
• Boredom
• Politics
• Self
• Others
• Emotions
• Technology
• The "MAN"
• Religion
• Body/Image
• Gossip/Criticism
• Government
• Too much to do
• Etc...

What am I really asking to be saved from?  What do I really want to be free of?  It seems complicated at first but the truth for me is that I want the freedom to do what I want when and where I want to do it.  But the truth is that we are never truly free.  My actions have consequences.  There is a cost for the things I choose to do, because with every "yes" there are a bunch of "no"s. Sometimes, when I am crying for "freedom," I am asking for there to not be consequences for my actions.  

So what?  There are situations that people these days still desperately need freedom from.  Are they crying needlessly?  No.  There are things that we can do to help them (and ourselves) from oppression.  Important things.  Things that we need to do.  But the greatest source of true freedom that I have ever found is Jesus Christ.  He loves me (and you too) and has worked to free me from the ultimate consequence: death, eternal death.  You see, our lack of freedom in the world ultimately stems from harms derived from a person's sins.  It could be our own sin or that of someone else.  Sin is where we "miss the mark," much like missing the target when shooting an arrow from a bow.  It could cause unintentional pain, or it could have done that because I wanted it to.  But it harms people, it harms me, and it harms Jesus as he took the consequences for it himself.

I don't really know how to explain how that works.  But I have faith that it is true. However, what does that have to do with what I said earlier?  There are ultimately two sides, led by two great sources.  Your choices will determine which one rules your life.  I have found that God's ways are always the best--even when it doesn't make sense in the right now.  The other source is calling me to try to please myself, try to put myself first in everything.  That doesn't seem to be bad, right?  But if I am the center of my own universe the other people in the world are just there to please me.  Does it work though if I am doing that, you are doing that, and we all seek our own selves first?  What that does is lead to envy, strife, hate, anger, fear, and aloneness as you sink further and further away from other people.

"5 Those who live following their sinful selves think only about things that their sinful selves want. But those who live following the Spirit are thinking about the things the Spirit wants them to do. 6 If people’s thinking is controlled by the sinful self, there is death. But if their thinking is controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace. 7 When people’s thinking is controlled by the sinful self, they are against God, because they refuse to obey God’s law and really are not even able to obey God’s law. 8 Those people who are ruled by their sinful selves cannot please God.
9 But you are not ruled by your sinful selves. You are ruled by the Spirit, if that Spirit of God really lives in you. But the person who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to Christ. 10 Your body will always be dead because of sin. But if Christ is in you, then the Spirit gives you life, because Christ made you right with God."  

Romans 8:5-10 (NIV)

For me, my life was headed towards death.  I thought that I was going to be okay because I had said the prayer where I told God I was a sinner and needed Him in my life.  But my actions were stating that I didn't truly believe that.  So instead I continued my sin and tried to lead others to God.  If I had continued my sin I truly would have died and created a bigger hole in the lives of my family than I already had.  I found out that I truly needed a relationship with other Christians and a real relationship with Jesus. Like when I had first prayed that prayer.  I was hopeless. Stuck.  What I needed was freedom and could only get that from Jesus.  I needed to shift who I was putting in the center of my universe.  No more me.  It needed to be Jesus.  I have been glad since then because since I have found a relationship with Jesus I have never been closer to Him than I am right now. Am I perfect?  No.  Do I still sin?  Yes.  Am I finding a difference in my life?  Absolutely, and the Holy Spirit is working on who I am as I learn to be more open and intimate with Him.  Freedom?  Yes, most definitely!  From what I thought I wanted?  No.  But freedom from sin and a relationship with someone greater than I could ever imagine is what I have gained.

Centering Prayer...a hug from God?

Centering Prayer?

I've been reading a book called Sacred Pathways written by Gary Thomas and have thoroughly enjoyed it.  Here is a quote of one of the things I have enjoyed from his book:

"The purpose of centering prayer is not to cultivate feelings or create a 'spiritual experience'; it  is sumply to rest in and enjoy the blessed presence of God.  For those who question this, we need merely to look to the human example.  The deepest kind of love is often that wich allows you to rest in another's presence with out saying or doing anything, just enjoy being together.  If a husband can feel this way with his wife, or a sister with her sibling, or a mother with her infant, why can't Christians enjoy this with the God?"  (p. 199) 

What I've enjoyed is how he has gone through different styles of how we worship the Lord.  We each have certain ways and things that draw us closer to God and he goes through each one.  I found this quote in the chapter on "Contemplatives."  I really enjoyed how he connected this with the human experience.  When he wrote the part about the parent with a child I totally pictured myself cuddling my youngest daughter this morning and simply enjoying being there with her.  Nothing else on my mind but enjoying our presence together.  Then I connected that situation with God and imagined how amazing that is to be in that place.

In truth, centering prayer is not something that you do.  It's more of something you don't do.  You stay focused on God and use words to redirect yourself back to Him.  I know that my own mind races too fast to control at times--especially when I need to focus on something specific.  It's like that moment in the movie "Up" where the group of dogs see a squirrel and totally lose track of their conversation.  We use the word to bring us back to the focus on God's presence because that is why we're praying this way: to simply enjoy the presence of our God, our Lord, our Creator, our Savior, our Spirit.  We are simply seeking to be in His presence and allow Him to speak to us and guide our prayers.

It's like seeking a big, warm hug from our Father in Heaven.  He created us.  He planned for us.  He loves us.  Like his kiddos, we can seek to be in his presence and just enjoy that.

Best friends can hug...

Little kids can hug...

Father and son can hug...

Even monkies can hug!

 Let's go get a hug!

Peace!

 I remember waaaaaaaay back to my days in school.  Specifically, elementary school.  What I remember is that they told us to use the sign on the right side of this blog to be quiet.  They told us it meant we needed to be quiet.  If we weren't quiet they would come up and be more forceful and less polite as they asked us to be quiet.  Seemed at odds with what the sign meant even more years back.  In fact, when I was younger, seeing those pictures I wondered why they were always telling people to be quiet.  When I was older I found out that it was actually the peace sign that you could take with you.  Wow, huh?

Peace, what does it mean to you?  I know that over the years it has meant different things.  To someone in the time of Edgar Allen Poe, it meant to be calm and quiet.  To those in the 60's, it was part of a movement which wanted the wars to stop and people to be nice to one another (hence the hand and circle signs).  To us, it means different things even today.  So, what does "peace" mean to you?

My own definition of peace has changed over the years.  It started as being a boring time where I wasn't supposed to do anything or to speak.  Later I thought of it as some sort of hippy nonsense that didn't mean anything in today's world.  When I was older and working I wanted "peace" to fall over those gathered with me and so that they'd quiet down.  Most recently I have had a fundamental shift as to its meaning in my life.

For me now, peace is not something that I can make or give.  It is a certainty that God has a great love for me and that he has things planned out, all I need to do is trust Him the best that I can.  Peace is a calming, overwhelming sense of security, regardless of what is going on or happening.  Peace is knowing that whatever I face, God wins (and through my relationship with Him so do I).  It is awesome to experience that kind of peace.  It is something that no person, city, government, or country can truly provide.  It is only available through God and your relationship with Him.  I have thought that peace was just an emotion or an action to complete. I am glad that it comes from God through Jesus' self-sacrifice empowered by the Holy Spirit.  God keep me in your peace.

Philippians 4:6-7
 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

How do I become better?

 We all want to be better than we are today.  Deep down there is always something that we can pick out of who we are and want to be better there.  We want this so much that slogans like:

"Training to be better...Just read Scripture!"

How to be "Good, better, best..."

"I'm better than before..."  Etc....

Tend to prick our brains and we at least are interested.  But! Are we seeking to be "Better Christians" Or have a better relationship with Christ"?

Question: Why do you want to be better?  So you can feel better about yourself, or so you can experience life more fully?  Is there guilt or shame tied to this question for you? Are you in competition with someone?  Do you feel lost and don't know who you are?  You feel that you are set free by the grace of God and want to be better because of that?  Why do you want to be better?

I know that we all want to be better than we are.  I also know (from personal experience) that we want to be better for a variety of reasons--often all at the same time!  I know that I want to be better because I am afraid of losing what is important to me.  I want to be better because it may end strife and difficult conversations between myself and others.  I want to be better than "that guy" because I feel competitive.  I want to be better because I want good things to give to my loved ones.  I want to be better because Jesus has made me clean of my sins and I want to live up to that.

Who doesn't want that?

But my motivation changes how and why I seek to be made better.

16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.  2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV)

Here are what some of the terms used in that scripture mean:

• Teach: show or explain to (someone) how to do something.
• Rebuke: sharp, stern disapproval; reproof; reprimand.
• Correct: 1) (adj) free from error; in accordance with fact or truth. 2) (verb) put right (an error or fault).
• Training: the action of teaching a person or animal a particular skill or type of behavior.

Each of those terms is about change.  Basically, it means that God has inspired Scripture to change us.  But who is it supposed to change? Strangers?  Sinners?  Wayward people?  No.  Scripture was not inspired by God so that we can stand on a street corner yelling at people to change their lives over to Jesus.  It is intended to change us, the believer.  We can and should use scripture to help us as we talk with other people about our faith.  But it is intended to be read and used by us so that we know some things about God.  It tells who God is.  It shows us what God wants us to do.  It teaches us how God has acted toward humanity in the past.  It was created to develop a relationship with Him. All the things listed above are intended for those who already love Him.

So when we read Scripture, we are reading what God has written to us.  Sometimes like a love note, sometimes like a history, always an explanation for us to pray with and think over and learn to apply to ourselves.  When I wonder what I need to be doing, I know that one thing I need to do is go read the Bible.

Want to become better with me?

Running for the Lord...Yeah!

Running is something that I remember being very fun!  I ran Cross Country and Track in high school and enjoyed the conversations I had with others during workouts.  I remember the challenge that the meets would bring and working hard to overcome them.  I remember working as a team on the relay race and striving hard with others to win.  I would say that running was very satisfying overall.

So imagine my surprise a number of years ago when I was reading the Bible and saw the part where Paul talked about people running.

"You know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize. So run to win! All those who compete in the games use self-control so they can win a crown. That crown is an earthly thing that lasts only a short time, but our crown will never be destroyed. So I do not run without a goal. I fight like a boxer who is hitting something—not just the air. I treat my body hard and make it my slave so that I myself will not be disqualified after I have preached to others." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 https://www.bible.com/bible/105/1CO.9.24-27

"You know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize. So run to win! All those who compete in the games use self-control so they can win a crown. That crown is an earthly thing that lasts only a short time, but our crown will never be destroyed. So I do not run without a goal. I fight like a boxer who is hitting something—not just the air. I treat my body hard and make it my slave so that I myself will not be disqualified after I have preached to others." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NCV

Reading this passage reminded me of all the time I'd spent running and the satisfaction I received from it.  At the time I was still quite proud of my abilities as a runner and so automatically equated that with my faith (rather than looking at my faith and using running as an encouragement or measure).  Later I was to find out that I had been thinking about it in the wrong direction.

When you train for something it is easy to think of the things that you "DO" in order to get ready.  But even with all the "DOs" that are available, we have to also think of the "DON'Ts"  Just as a runner needs to do certain exercises to build muscle, there are certain things that they shouldn't so as well.  Like, eat nothing but junk food.

So looking at my faith through the lens of running there is a word that comes to my mind: discipline.  Which freaked me out a little at first.  The first question that came to my mind was, "Didn't Jesus die so that I don't have to pay attention to the 'rules'?"  What I wasn't looking for were more rules to follow in my life.  I'd failed there too many times.  But I found out that that wasn't what God wanted for me either.  He wanted me to discipline my self.  Discipline can be explained as an "activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training."  He wanted me to learn the things that help change who I think I am into the person that He created me to be.

One of the disciplines that I had to learn was making excuses to justify where I was or what I had just done.  In fact, I had done it so much, so frequently, so automatically, that I didn't even realize most of the time that I was doing it.  Today, I had been reading a devotional and came across this statement:

"Shedding excuses is a discipline that must be practiced with our thoughts, communication, and actions. There is only room for language that declares: I will! Growth occurs when we confront our personal experiences and how they’ve changed us."  Ref.

One of the cool things about loving Jesus is the fact that he erases the troubles of our past.  So despite the past I've lived, I can have a brand-new start in life!  How awesome is that?  But one of the challenges of this is the fact that I have trained myself over the years to respond to things in certain ways.  Like making excuses for myself.

What I've learned about things like excuse-making is that you have to add these to your life with God.  I need to confess that I keep trying to go back to the old ways.  I've asked Him to remove these things from my way of acting and my life, and I have to keep myself in that place or they will sneak back in.  It's like snacking on high-sugar snacks--they only disrupt my energy production and make me fat.  Tough situation for a runner.   Tough situation for my relationship with God who wants to see me change and grow.  It is not easy, but necessary.  It needs a focus as well, so I will "fight like a boxer who is hitting something—not just the air (v.26b)."

So here is my goal: to train as a runner would in my faith in Jesus.  It will require me to do certain things and to not do others.  I am not doing this to follow rules, but instead to be fit as I can be as I run this race of life.  I will fall and fail--but I have the Holy Spirit there to pick me up and run with me as well!  So, I am now running for the Lord!  Yeah!

Which way to go?

A few months ago I was asked about what I felt called to do in my life.  For some reason, this question stumped me upon hearing it.  I didn't have an automatic answer.  There was no, "I am already doing it."  Nor was there an, "I wish I was doing this..."  I sat there and said, "Huh?" instead.  How does one really answer this question without becoming glib in reply?

While thinking about this I remembered a story that a speaker told once during one of his talks.  He stated that we all have two dogs inside us.  We keep them and are responsible for feeding them and giving them time to exercise.  He labeled them the Black Dog and the White Dog. (You can use whatever designation you wish for this in your own life...)  He told us that how we feed them is through the things that we choose to do in our lives.  When we choose positive things we feed the White Dog.  When we choose negative things we feed the Black Dog.   He used this story to tell us about the choices that we make in our lives.  We choose who to feed.

Which dog to feed?  White or Black?  They don't like each other and will fight to get us to choose
things that would feed them and starve the other. You see you can only feed one at a time and the other starves.  Over time the strongest, most well-fed dog will tell the choices we make in our lives.

But how can I tell which dog I am feeding?  How can I tell which actions feed the White or Black dog?  I know that personally, I tend to seek to choose things that please myself.  I will do positive things in my life but ultimately I choose the ones that make me happy.  Which I have found leads me down into a spiral of death.  Because at first, I choose things that are fairly good. But then after time, the degree of good vs. bad in my choices becomes more and more about me and less about others in my life.  It is a spiral down away from other people and from God.

So how do I know what to choose?

17This is what the Lord says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God,
who teaches you what is good for you
and leads you along the paths you should follow. (Isaiah 48:17 NCV)

You see I have found that the quality of my relationship with Jesus does affect the choices that I make.  The one place that I have found to be an undeniable source of good choices to make is the Bible.  But even here I still mess up.  So, in the end, I have only to trust in God to lead me.   Without Him, I consistently choose things that aren't the best.  But God loves me enough to choose the best things.  These can be painful at times, but they help me grow!  Just like an athlete practices, breaking down their muscles as they go (1 Cor 9:25), so too do we break things as we go and God turns them into blessings in ways that only he knows how to.  How amazing!

So, which dog are you going to feed in your life?  And how will you know the best choices to make?  Feed the dog that God loves and move out of your love for Him.

We all want "safety," right?

"We all want 'safety,' right?  I have been thinking about this question for quite a long time.  It is a desire that I have especially for my kids.  I look at each one of them and hold them so precious that I want them protected and safe.

We want the things that we love in life to remain safe and undisturbed.  I want the ability to send my kids out to play and not worry about them getting hurt, or kidnapped, or even hurt by friends.  I want them to be safe and unmolested.  I want the things that I build or decorate to remain as is and not be vandalized.  I want to sing and not have my song interrupted by someone else.  I want all that I have to do to not challenge or confront me.

I view life as a place where I am a monkey that always has friends and bananas ready when I want them.  Heaven on Earth, right? Want to join me?

However, I have also found in life that I don't grow or change without challenges.

But how can I let the things I love venture out into places where safety may not even be possible?  Can I really let go of even myself and go out in those areas too?  Should I not have rules and regulations that keep me safe?

What immediately comes to mind is the playgrounds where I've taken my kids to go and have some fun.  I don't know if you've noticed that for a number of years our playgrounds have become more and more protected.  I know that I have.  For me, this has not been a good thing.  It seems that they are making the play stuff so safe that fun is being wrung out.  I think about growing up and using swings that were probably 20 feet tall.  Swinging hard and then jumping off, smiling the whole time!  Yet today's swings sets are barely 8 feet tall--if that.  I remember jumping off and hurting myself--and using the experience as a lesson so that next time I can do it better.  Today we are so worried about getting sued that we opt for safety.

How far is my desire to be safe changing who God has created me to be?  If safety is my goal, then I become someone who would go around with a notepad and pen, writing down things that I deem unsafe.  I would put down those around me who allowed or caused things to not be safe--even telling them to change what they do.  I would have a list of rules a mile long that I feel everyone should know and follow.  I would become what they call these people in the Bible: Pharisee.  How often, even in today's world do we tread that path in some way at some time?

I have been convinced through conversations that I have had with people and connecting that with what I've read in the Bible.  Safety comes with problems that I have no power to correct.  It even may be a wrong manner of living.  Security is something that is promised to all of us.  Something that we should expect from the Lord.  Yet, that security is not the same as safety.

Security, what is that?  For me, it's trusting that the all-powerful God has promised me that I am His and will always be protected by him.  I know ultimately where I will end up: heaven, in His presence!  So then the question I have for myself is, why then do I fear what might happen to me here and now?

What do I need to do next?  I have realized that at times I want safety more than I want God's provision.  I want to feel good rather than experience the wonder that God can accomplish in my life and the lives of those around me.  I focus on good enough rather than seek and ask God for His best.  So what to do?  It may be different for you, but I am learning more and more about my relationship with Jesus.  I am facing uncertain situations knowing that God will keep me secure and have been trying to let go of my anxiety and fear of what could happen.  I will be looking for more opportunities to be a blessing in the lives of those around me and go places where I know that will be the case.

Only when I trust God do I come closer to knowing Him more fully.  Only when I trust will I experience the miracle of being one of His. As the Bible says:

"I am the Lord your God,
who holds your right hand,
and I tell you, ‘Don’t be afraid.
I will help you.’" Isaiah 41:13 (NCV)

Let us allow God to help us!

Perfect Love?

1 John 4:18

I have been reading a book on "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown which is a calling to leave a life of fear and step out into a life filled with risk and intimacy.  It has hit me in many different places as I have read it.  You see, I am a man filled with anxiety and fear.  I grew up that way.  At times I have viewed my "cool as a cucumber" disconnectedness as a benefit or strength in myself.  However, recently I found myself isolated and friendless.  Ouch.

It's interesting that we often view our "defenses" as strengths.  I viewed my self-isolation as a way of keeping myself free and safe.  Yet it hurts my family because as I isolate myself from specific things, I eventually find reasons to isolate from everybody--whether or not I really wanted to.

One of the things that I keep remembering as I have been trying to fight my own self-view and mode of acting is that with my relationship with Christ I gain a very important, very powerful, very loving friend.  But I need to open up and not isolate myself from Him.  Which honestly opens me up to do the same with those around me too.  Scary!  I desire intimacy with Jesus greatly.  I want to know the plans God has for me.  I want to be saved from my mistakes.  I want someone who unconditionally loves me as exactly who I am.  God provided us with His Son for that very reason.  But I am in a practice of putting up a wall between myself and others.

"18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 (NIV)

I have struggled with this scripture because it says that perfect love drives out fear.  But I can't do that.  I can't love anyone perfectly.  Not random people.  Not my lovely wife.  Not even myself.  I have found deep in myself a sense of perfectionism that tells me that if I can't do something perfectly, then I just need to "hang it up and go home."  I felt like I was missing the point.  Would God call me to love perfectly?  He should know better than anyone that I can't do that.  So for a long part of my life, I pushed this scripture aside.

The answer is that I did miss the point.  When I am in a relationship with Jesus Christ I do not rely upon what I can or can't do.  I do not rely on my ability to forgive others.  I do not rely on my wisdom to see me through.  I have sinned and he has taken the penalty of that sin from me.  During a sermon that I was listening to, I also realized that I don't love with my own love.  Instead, I receive love from God and love with that.  God's love is a perfect love.

In today's world, I can find much to hate.  The media constantly shows me how the leaders and citizens of the world are broken people.  My response seems to be hate towards those that are causing the pain and suffering of others.  I want the military of my country to go out and punish those who are terrorists.  I want to be protected from possible nuclear war.  I want the police to catch those who hurt people in my own area.  But all of that is positioned in my own sense of hatred--which is lined with my fear.

I remember this quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.:

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." (Ref)

Take that with the passage from 1 John 4:18.  That means that God's love is what drives the hate of the world out.  God's love drives my hate of others out.  God's love drives my hate of myself out.

The only thing that I need to do is to take a very risky step.  I have to open myself up and allow God to be intimate with me.  I need to accept His love.  And based on His love for me I need to open myself up to others.  Easy peasy, right?