Ruined *sick!* Vacations!?!? 😰

Have you ever planned a vacation and then had it spoiled by someone getting sick?  I know that I have!  In fact this last Winter Break we had some free time that we were hoping to use productively around town.  However...my wife and I both got pretty sick.  Like five minutes up, and then back to bed for a couple hours more.  Yikes!

There was the "at least we got sick on vacation and didn't have to call in sick" line that we mentioned every now and then to each other.  But what am I supposed to do when I have other plans but then find myself in a place where I cannot participate?  Ideally, do what I can do and do my best to make myself better.  If I can help others I will do that, but I need to ultimately be better to serve better.

Have I ever experienced something similar to this in my personal faith?  ABSOLUTELY!  There have been many times throughout my life where I didn't get it and I chose to do things that were contrary to God's will for my life.  Some of those were either because I didn't realize what I was doing, or I wasn't in a relationship with Jesus Christ.  But there have been more times of spiritual sickness that I have experienced because of things I have chosen to do--since becoming a Christian.

I could create a long laundry list of things that I had done, ways that I found to sin.  But the point for me is that when I stop having good, solid relationships with other people in addition to my relationship with Jesus is the time when I am most apt to choose self-enjoyment, to choose sin in order to make myself feel "better."

During these times I have regretted my choices and then prayed to God, "Please forgive my sins and help me change, amen."  But I had not confessed these mistakes to another human being.

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so God can heal you. When a believing person prays, great things happen." James 5:16 (NCV)

It is in having these other relationships with that we truly get to express what God has already given to us: love.  I can be forgiven, but if I have not loved others, then I have never shared what Christ has done for me. When I get into a place where I feel sick and am hurting spiritually then I need to find people to share with.  Open and honestly.  My only caution for myself when doing this is to make sure I am sharing deeply only with trusted people.  I know I can share past pain with others, without really worrying about their trustworthiness.  But when I am struggling, sick, emotionally unsure, then I need guys around me that I trust and can share with.  How am I doing with that?  I have a couple friends that I can share with, but I need more to be truly open and honest on a regular basis.

God be with us and help us make good friends.

Frustration!!! What point is there anyway?

Ever feel frustrated?  I know that I do all the time!  It can be something humongous and complicated or tiny and small.  I have experienced a range of frustrations through my life.  How close that guy was when he cut in front of me in traffic this morning (like just missed my bumper!).  The tone of my wife's voice when she's relating something to me.  Being told that as I continue to grow older my body will be performing less and less as well than it used to--and there is nothing that I can do about that.  Things can really frustrate me, sometimes even to the point where it stops me from progressing onward.

So what am I feeling when I am frustrated?  I have been somewhat surprised to note that I feel many

Sometimes, right???

different feelings when I am frustrated.  I expected frustration to be some form of anger set on a low simmering heat, kind of like the sidewalks in Arizona in the summertime.  But that's not all there is to frustration.  There can be an air of melancholy desperation that causes me to be sad and want to just quit.  There can be the feeling of sinking in quicksand and being stuck, unable to get yourself out.  Frustration rears its ugly head when you are at a point where you cannot see a possibility of changing the situation that you're in.

So how have I learned to deal with frustration? I used to push all my feelings away and just try to disappear from the situation.  I used to try to control the situation, and the people, and how everyone felt about what was going on.  Even still today I still find myself trying to react like I used to: either disappear or use others.  But I have found a different path that I wanted to explore.

What I have found to be my most effective antidote to the clinging cancer of frustration is to know that there is actually a way out.  Whether it would come from me, another person, or God Himself; I need to know that there is a solution.  But how do I come to that knowledge?  It sure isn't easy--I definitely had found that I floundered in frustration's continuous grasp way too often.  When I am frustrated I often get too emotional to hear the truth or make changes in my behavior.  But the truth is what I need to have in my hands in order to break that grasp.




Here's what I have found helpful to find the truth in my situations in life:

1. Ask myself what I am feeling right at that moment.  Then I explore why I am feeling that way.
2. Ask myself what I am thinking.  Does that match my feelings?
3. Look for truth in my feelings and accept them.  Then let go of the things that aren't true.
4. Look for ways that I can follow in order to relieve myself of my frustration.
1. Sometimes I need to actually do something and not just sit there thinking about my frustration.  Am I afraid or angry?  Hungry or tired?  Lonely?  Do I just need to stand up and do my part?
2. Sometimes I need to ask someone else to help me.  This is probably the hardest thing for me to do, personally.  It can add frustration upon frustration if I am not careful.
3. Finally, there are times where there is nothing that I can do, nothing that other people can do, only God can find an answer or solution for me.  This is not a form of giving up, it is ultimately surrendering everything to God and trusting in him.

I have found these verses helpful when I am at the place where trusting God is what I need to do, what I am called to, what I must do:

33 “I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world.” John 16:33 (NCV)

7 Give all your worries to him, because he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NCV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

11 "I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. 12 Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!" Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NCV)

2 My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, 3 because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. 4 Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need. 5 But if any of you needs wisdom, you should ask God for it. He is generous to everyone and will give you wisdom without criticizing you. James 1:2-5 (NCV)

I have found peace in these Bible passages when I read through them.  And there are more!  The Bible has many passages that teach us how to accept where we are and then move forward.  Often though I have found that the only thing I need to move is myself--trusting in myself never works as well as trusting God.

Are we truly free, or are we not?

Freedom!
When I hear this word I get an image in my mind from the movie Braveheart, where William Wallace is encouraging his side and yells, "Freedom!!!"  Where in my own life do I have a desire for freedom?  And what is freedom?

Freedom is: noun

1. the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint: "He won his freedom after a retrial."
2. exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.
3. the power to determine action without restraint
4. political or national independence.
5. personal liberty, as opposed to bondage or slavery: "a slave who bought his freedom."

There are times when I feel like there is an enemy and that I am the target of all his attacks.  Whether or not that is true, I long for this feeling of freedom.  But what do I want freedom from?

I want freedom from:

• Pain/suffering
  
• Slavery
• Addiction
• Oppression
• Sexuality
• Cruelty
• Boredom
• Politics
• Self
• Others
• Emotions
• Technology
• The "MAN"
• Religion
• Body/Image
• Gossip/Criticism
• Government
• Too much to do
• Etc...

What am I really asking to be saved from?  What do I really want to be free of?  It seems complicated at first but the truth for me is that I want the freedom to do what I want when and where I want to do it.  But the truth is that we are never truly free.  My actions have consequences.  There is a cost for the things I choose to do, because with every "yes" there are a bunch of "no"s. Sometimes, when I am crying for "freedom," I am asking for there to not be consequences for my actions.  

So what?  There are situations that people these days still desperately need freedom from.  Are they crying needlessly?  No.  There are things that we can do to help them (and ourselves) from oppression.  Important things.  Things that we need to do.  But the greatest source of true freedom that I have ever found is Jesus Christ.  He loves me (and you too) and has worked to free me from the ultimate consequence: death, eternal death.  You see, our lack of freedom in the world ultimately stems from harms derived from a person's sins.  It could be our own sin or that of someone else.  Sin is where we "miss the mark," much like missing the target when shooting an arrow from a bow.  It could cause unintentional pain, or it could have done that because I wanted it to.  But it harms people, it harms me, and it harms Jesus as he took the consequences for it himself.

I don't really know how to explain how that works.  But I have faith that it is true. However, what does that have to do with what I said earlier?  There are ultimately two sides, led by two great sources.  Your choices will determine which one rules your life.  I have found that God's ways are always the best--even when it doesn't make sense in the right now.  The other source is calling me to try to please myself, try to put myself first in everything.  That doesn't seem to be bad, right?  But if I am the center of my own universe the other people in the world are just there to please me.  Does it work though if I am doing that, you are doing that, and we all seek our own selves first?  What that does is lead to envy, strife, hate, anger, fear, and aloneness as you sink further and further away from other people.

"5 Those who live following their sinful selves think only about things that their sinful selves want. But those who live following the Spirit are thinking about the things the Spirit wants them to do. 6 If people’s thinking is controlled by the sinful self, there is death. But if their thinking is controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace. 7 When people’s thinking is controlled by the sinful self, they are against God, because they refuse to obey God’s law and really are not even able to obey God’s law. 8 Those people who are ruled by their sinful selves cannot please God.
9 But you are not ruled by your sinful selves. You are ruled by the Spirit, if that Spirit of God really lives in you. But the person who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to Christ. 10 Your body will always be dead because of sin. But if Christ is in you, then the Spirit gives you life, because Christ made you right with God."  

Romans 8:5-10 (NIV)

For me, my life was headed towards death.  I thought that I was going to be okay because I had said the prayer where I told God I was a sinner and needed Him in my life.  But my actions were stating that I didn't truly believe that.  So instead I continued my sin and tried to lead others to God.  If I had continued my sin I truly would have died and created a bigger hole in the lives of my family than I already had.  I found out that I truly needed a relationship with other Christians and a real relationship with Jesus. Like when I had first prayed that prayer.  I was hopeless. Stuck.  What I needed was freedom and could only get that from Jesus.  I needed to shift who I was putting in the center of my universe.  No more me.  It needed to be Jesus.  I have been glad since then because since I have found a relationship with Jesus I have never been closer to Him than I am right now. Am I perfect?  No.  Do I still sin?  Yes.  Am I finding a difference in my life?  Absolutely, and the Holy Spirit is working on who I am as I learn to be more open and intimate with Him.  Freedom?  Yes, most definitely!  From what I thought I wanted?  No.  But freedom from sin and a relationship with someone greater than I could ever imagine is what I have gained.

Centering Prayer...a hug from God?

Centering Prayer?

I've been reading a book called Sacred Pathways written by Gary Thomas and have thoroughly enjoyed it.  Here is a quote of one of the things I have enjoyed from his book:

"The purpose of centering prayer is not to cultivate feelings or create a 'spiritual experience'; it  is sumply to rest in and enjoy the blessed presence of God.  For those who question this, we need merely to look to the human example.  The deepest kind of love is often that wich allows you to rest in another's presence with out saying or doing anything, just enjoy being together.  If a husband can feel this way with his wife, or a sister with her sibling, or a mother with her infant, why can't Christians enjoy this with the God?"  (p. 199) 

What I've enjoyed is how he has gone through different styles of how we worship the Lord.  We each have certain ways and things that draw us closer to God and he goes through each one.  I found this quote in the chapter on "Contemplatives."  I really enjoyed how he connected this with the human experience.  When he wrote the part about the parent with a child I totally pictured myself cuddling my youngest daughter this morning and simply enjoying being there with her.  Nothing else on my mind but enjoying our presence together.  Then I connected that situation with God and imagined how amazing that is to be in that place.

In truth, centering prayer is not something that you do.  It's more of something you don't do.  You stay focused on God and use words to redirect yourself back to Him.  I know that my own mind races too fast to control at times--especially when I need to focus on something specific.  It's like that moment in the movie "Up" where the group of dogs see a squirrel and totally lose track of their conversation.  We use the word to bring us back to the focus on God's presence because that is why we're praying this way: to simply enjoy the presence of our God, our Lord, our Creator, our Savior, our Spirit.  We are simply seeking to be in His presence and allow Him to speak to us and guide our prayers.

It's like seeking a big, warm hug from our Father in Heaven.  He created us.  He planned for us.  He loves us.  Like his kiddos, we can seek to be in his presence and just enjoy that.

Best friends can hug...

Little kids can hug...

Father and son can hug...

Even monkies can hug!

 Let's go get a hug!

How do I become better?

 We all want to be better than we are today.  Deep down there is always something that we can pick out of who we are and want to be better there.  We want this so much that slogans like:

"Training to be better...Just read Scripture!"

How to be "Good, better, best..."

"I'm better than before..."  Etc....

Tend to prick our brains and we at least are interested.  But! Are we seeking to be "Better Christians" Or have a better relationship with Christ"?

Question: Why do you want to be better?  So you can feel better about yourself, or so you can experience life more fully?  Is there guilt or shame tied to this question for you? Are you in competition with someone?  Do you feel lost and don't know who you are?  You feel that you are set free by the grace of God and want to be better because of that?  Why do you want to be better?

I know that we all want to be better than we are.  I also know (from personal experience) that we want to be better for a variety of reasons--often all at the same time!  I know that I want to be better because I am afraid of losing what is important to me.  I want to be better because it may end strife and difficult conversations between myself and others.  I want to be better than "that guy" because I feel competitive.  I want to be better because I want good things to give to my loved ones.  I want to be better because Jesus has made me clean of my sins and I want to live up to that.

Who doesn't want that?

But my motivation changes how and why I seek to be made better.

16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.  2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV)

Here are what some of the terms used in that scripture mean:

• Teach: show or explain to (someone) how to do something.
• Rebuke: sharp, stern disapproval; reproof; reprimand.
• Correct: 1) (adj) free from error; in accordance with fact or truth. 2) (verb) put right (an error or fault).
• Training: the action of teaching a person or animal a particular skill or type of behavior.

Each of those terms is about change.  Basically, it means that God has inspired Scripture to change us.  But who is it supposed to change? Strangers?  Sinners?  Wayward people?  No.  Scripture was not inspired by God so that we can stand on a street corner yelling at people to change their lives over to Jesus.  It is intended to change us, the believer.  We can and should use scripture to help us as we talk with other people about our faith.  But it is intended to be read and used by us so that we know some things about God.  It tells who God is.  It shows us what God wants us to do.  It teaches us how God has acted toward humanity in the past.  It was created to develop a relationship with Him. All the things listed above are intended for those who already love Him.

So when we read Scripture, we are reading what God has written to us.  Sometimes like a love note, sometimes like a history, always an explanation for us to pray with and think over and learn to apply to ourselves.  When I wonder what I need to be doing, I know that one thing I need to do is go read the Bible.

Want to become better with me?

Perfect Love?

1 John 4:18

I have been reading a book on "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown which is a calling to leave a life of fear and step out into a life filled with risk and intimacy.  It has hit me in many different places as I have read it.  You see, I am a man filled with anxiety and fear.  I grew up that way.  At times I have viewed my "cool as a cucumber" disconnectedness as a benefit or strength in myself.  However, recently I found myself isolated and friendless.  Ouch.

It's interesting that we often view our "defenses" as strengths.  I viewed my self-isolation as a way of keeping myself free and safe.  Yet it hurts my family because as I isolate myself from specific things, I eventually find reasons to isolate from everybody--whether or not I really wanted to.

One of the things that I keep remembering as I have been trying to fight my own self-view and mode of acting is that with my relationship with Christ I gain a very important, very powerful, very loving friend.  But I need to open up and not isolate myself from Him.  Which honestly opens me up to do the same with those around me too.  Scary!  I desire intimacy with Jesus greatly.  I want to know the plans God has for me.  I want to be saved from my mistakes.  I want someone who unconditionally loves me as exactly who I am.  God provided us with His Son for that very reason.  But I am in a practice of putting up a wall between myself and others.

"18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 (NIV)

I have struggled with this scripture because it says that perfect love drives out fear.  But I can't do that.  I can't love anyone perfectly.  Not random people.  Not my lovely wife.  Not even myself.  I have found deep in myself a sense of perfectionism that tells me that if I can't do something perfectly, then I just need to "hang it up and go home."  I felt like I was missing the point.  Would God call me to love perfectly?  He should know better than anyone that I can't do that.  So for a long part of my life, I pushed this scripture aside.

The answer is that I did miss the point.  When I am in a relationship with Jesus Christ I do not rely upon what I can or can't do.  I do not rely on my ability to forgive others.  I do not rely on my wisdom to see me through.  I have sinned and he has taken the penalty of that sin from me.  During a sermon that I was listening to, I also realized that I don't love with my own love.  Instead, I receive love from God and love with that.  God's love is a perfect love.

In today's world, I can find much to hate.  The media constantly shows me how the leaders and citizens of the world are broken people.  My response seems to be hate towards those that are causing the pain and suffering of others.  I want the military of my country to go out and punish those who are terrorists.  I want to be protected from possible nuclear war.  I want the police to catch those who hurt people in my own area.  But all of that is positioned in my own sense of hatred--which is lined with my fear.

I remember this quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.:

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." (Ref)

Take that with the passage from 1 John 4:18.  That means that God's love is what drives the hate of the world out.  God's love drives my hate of others out.  God's love drives my hate of myself out.

The only thing that I need to do is to take a very risky step.  I have to open myself up and allow God to be intimate with me.  I need to accept His love.  And based on His love for me I need to open myself up to others.  Easy peasy, right?