Wandering Wondering While Waiting

Everything changes over time...well almost everything.  God--Father, Son, Holy Spirit--does not change, ever.  He is all powerful and all knowing and does not change.  But everything around Him does.  Sometimes I wonder what that might be like, but then it overwhelms my mind and I just can't envision it.  For me though, things change and never the way I expect them to.  Kids grow differently than I think they will.  People react differently than I expect to the things that I say.  Phenomenal changes occur and mess everything up.  Positively or negatively I get stopped often by changes in the world around me.

So how do I adapt to change then?  How do I understand what is coming and what to do when it comes?  The problem lies in the fact that change cannot be predicted conveniently.  There is always something out there that is unknown and will have an effect on how things will go.  Ultimately I am left in the now, this moment, and have to see what is brought into my life.  So how do I do that?

I can prepare the best I can.  I can search online and google for the answers.  I can talk to neighbors and professionals galore.  I can prepare until I am wound up tight and expecting things to change for the worst at any moment.  But, there is a way that I have been learning to follow instead.  I follow God's word in my life.

'For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” But not all the Israelites accepted the good news. For Isaiah says, “Lord, who has believed our message?” Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.'  Romans 10:12-17 (NIV)

And I get all of that: the God who created everything sent Jesus to fix everything so that there is no class distinction between us and all of us can receive salvation because he offers it to us and we have faith because he gave us that as well.  Sometimes I feel like one of the believers and sometimes I feel like one of those that didn't accept it.  But how does that help me hear God's word for me in my own life?  The truth is that it does and it doesn't.  What makes a difference is the fact that it is not just knowing about what Christ did for us, but having a relationship with Him.  "Relationship" is different than just knowing.  It is in my relationship with Him that sometimes I can hear his voice for me.

Sometimes?  Yes, sometimes.  I have found that I personally don't know everything that another person wants or knows.  Even asking them doesn't solve that.  What is the solution?  Sadly there is none.  Things take time from my perspective and often that time was intended to make me ready for the change.  What is important is not what I am going through or where I am at the time.  What is important for me is knowing that regardless of the consequences of the situation, Jesus Christ is with me.  I have but to relax from my anxiety and sense of control and just trust in Him.  An easy thing to do? Nope.  But worth it.

Ruined *sick!* Vacations!?!? 😰

Have you ever planned a vacation and then had it spoiled by someone getting sick?  I know that I have!  In fact this last Winter Break we had some free time that we were hoping to use productively around town.  However...my wife and I both got pretty sick.  Like five minutes up, and then back to bed for a couple hours more.  Yikes!

There was the "at least we got sick on vacation and didn't have to call in sick" line that we mentioned every now and then to each other.  But what am I supposed to do when I have other plans but then find myself in a place where I cannot participate?  Ideally, do what I can do and do my best to make myself better.  If I can help others I will do that, but I need to ultimately be better to serve better.

Have I ever experienced something similar to this in my personal faith?  ABSOLUTELY!  There have been many times throughout my life where I didn't get it and I chose to do things that were contrary to God's will for my life.  Some of those were either because I didn't realize what I was doing, or I wasn't in a relationship with Jesus Christ.  But there have been more times of spiritual sickness that I have experienced because of things I have chosen to do--since becoming a Christian.

I could create a long laundry list of things that I had done, ways that I found to sin.  But the point for me is that when I stop having good, solid relationships with other people in addition to my relationship with Jesus is the time when I am most apt to choose self-enjoyment, to choose sin in order to make myself feel "better."

During these times I have regretted my choices and then prayed to God, "Please forgive my sins and help me change, amen."  But I had not confessed these mistakes to another human being.

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so God can heal you. When a believing person prays, great things happen." James 5:16 (NCV)

It is in having these other relationships with that we truly get to express what God has already given to us: love.  I can be forgiven, but if I have not loved others, then I have never shared what Christ has done for me. When I get into a place where I feel sick and am hurting spiritually then I need to find people to share with.  Open and honestly.  My only caution for myself when doing this is to make sure I am sharing deeply only with trusted people.  I know I can share past pain with others, without really worrying about their trustworthiness.  But when I am struggling, sick, emotionally unsure, then I need guys around me that I trust and can share with.  How am I doing with that?  I have a couple friends that I can share with, but I need more to be truly open and honest on a regular basis.

God be with us and help us make good friends.

Why did I get sick???

I just came back to work after being sick this last weekend.  It was not fun.  I was fairly tired all the time, and queasy, and just wanted to wrap up in warm blankets and go to sleep.  Today I'm still a little sick, but I am trying my best to power through and be productive.  I don't feel good.

So I asked myself this question, "Why would a loving God let me be sick?"  Isn't that a question that we all have from time to time? Often if someone we know is sick--especially when they are REALLY sick.  I am reminded of the Bible verse that says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Phil 4:13)."  So if this is true, why can't I get better?  Or, in my mind, better now rather than later.  Even if I have others pray for me (see James 5:16) I don't always get better in the way I visualize.  So why does God let me be sick?

I have read through the Bible several times over these last many years that I have been in a relationship with Jesus.  I have read many different places where God has allowed people to be sick.  Some were sick because of their choices.  Some were sick because God wanted to glorify Himself through healing them.  Some were sick because it kept them humble.  Some we just don't know why they were sick.

Often we cannot tell why we were sick at a certain time or in a certain place.  I was very sick several

My family and I at the Run of Hope, a
5k designed to raise money to fight brain
cancer in kids.

years ago.  I was diagnosed with cancer.  There are several ways that I am still recovering from that sickness.  And its a burden because the kind of cancer I have does not get "fixed," it just "goes to sleep" and will reappear sometime in the future.  Why did God let me go through that?  Why did that pain and suffering also need to be inflicted on my wife and kids?  For a significant amount of time, it changed how my family interacted and created several things that have been very difficult for me to accept and some that were extremely frustrating for me.

So why?  I still don't know today.  I have heard and spoke with several people who have had cancer, or knew someone close who struggled with cancer.  It may have been related to poor choices I had made in my past.  It may be something God gave me to really humble myself and accept the help of other people in my life--something I desperately needed to learn at the time.  I also ask myself quite often, "Why did I survive this very difficult form of cancer and others fail?"  The truth is that I don't know.  It could be any, or all of, or none of the possibilities listed above.

There is a piece of Scripture that gives me some peace in my heart:

"7 So that I would not become too proud of the wonderful things that were shown to me, a painful physical problem[b] was given to me. This problem was a messenger from Satan, sent to beat me and keep me from being too proud. 8 I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.” So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can live in me. 10 For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong."  2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NCV)

Paul was a servant of the Lord that did many mighty deeds through the power Christ gave him, and he still became ill and God wouldn't heal him of that affliction.  Despite all the churches he started, despite all the prayers he prayed and people he healed, God did not heal him.  The encouraging line in this passage is "When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you." I have come to value the times where I struggle and need to rely on the strength of God to make it through.  I won't say that they were fun times.  But they were times of growth for me, and a pattern of faith I can show other people.

So will I ever know the answer to why was I sick?  Probably not.  Am I okay with that?  Yes, because my God's power is made perfect in my weaknesses.

How do I become better?

 We all want to be better than we are today.  Deep down there is always something that we can pick out of who we are and want to be better there.  We want this so much that slogans like:

"Training to be better...Just read Scripture!"

How to be "Good, better, best..."

"I'm better than before..."  Etc....

Tend to prick our brains and we at least are interested.  But! Are we seeking to be "Better Christians" Or have a better relationship with Christ"?

Question: Why do you want to be better?  So you can feel better about yourself, or so you can experience life more fully?  Is there guilt or shame tied to this question for you? Are you in competition with someone?  Do you feel lost and don't know who you are?  You feel that you are set free by the grace of God and want to be better because of that?  Why do you want to be better?

I know that we all want to be better than we are.  I also know (from personal experience) that we want to be better for a variety of reasons--often all at the same time!  I know that I want to be better because I am afraid of losing what is important to me.  I want to be better because it may end strife and difficult conversations between myself and others.  I want to be better than "that guy" because I feel competitive.  I want to be better because I want good things to give to my loved ones.  I want to be better because Jesus has made me clean of my sins and I want to live up to that.

Who doesn't want that?

But my motivation changes how and why I seek to be made better.

16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.  2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV)

Here are what some of the terms used in that scripture mean:

• Teach: show or explain to (someone) how to do something.
• Rebuke: sharp, stern disapproval; reproof; reprimand.
• Correct: 1) (adj) free from error; in accordance with fact or truth. 2) (verb) put right (an error or fault).
• Training: the action of teaching a person or animal a particular skill or type of behavior.

Each of those terms is about change.  Basically, it means that God has inspired Scripture to change us.  But who is it supposed to change? Strangers?  Sinners?  Wayward people?  No.  Scripture was not inspired by God so that we can stand on a street corner yelling at people to change their lives over to Jesus.  It is intended to change us, the believer.  We can and should use scripture to help us as we talk with other people about our faith.  But it is intended to be read and used by us so that we know some things about God.  It tells who God is.  It shows us what God wants us to do.  It teaches us how God has acted toward humanity in the past.  It was created to develop a relationship with Him. All the things listed above are intended for those who already love Him.

So when we read Scripture, we are reading what God has written to us.  Sometimes like a love note, sometimes like a history, always an explanation for us to pray with and think over and learn to apply to ourselves.  When I wonder what I need to be doing, I know that one thing I need to do is go read the Bible.

Want to become better with me?

Which way to go?

A few months ago I was asked about what I felt called to do in my life.  For some reason, this question stumped me upon hearing it.  I didn't have an automatic answer.  There was no, "I am already doing it."  Nor was there an, "I wish I was doing this..."  I sat there and said, "Huh?" instead.  How does one really answer this question without becoming glib in reply?

While thinking about this I remembered a story that a speaker told once during one of his talks.  He stated that we all have two dogs inside us.  We keep them and are responsible for feeding them and giving them time to exercise.  He labeled them the Black Dog and the White Dog. (You can use whatever designation you wish for this in your own life...)  He told us that how we feed them is through the things that we choose to do in our lives.  When we choose positive things we feed the White Dog.  When we choose negative things we feed the Black Dog.   He used this story to tell us about the choices that we make in our lives.  We choose who to feed.

Which dog to feed?  White or Black?  They don't like each other and will fight to get us to choose
things that would feed them and starve the other. You see you can only feed one at a time and the other starves.  Over time the strongest, most well-fed dog will tell the choices we make in our lives.

But how can I tell which dog I am feeding?  How can I tell which actions feed the White or Black dog?  I know that personally, I tend to seek to choose things that please myself.  I will do positive things in my life but ultimately I choose the ones that make me happy.  Which I have found leads me down into a spiral of death.  Because at first, I choose things that are fairly good. But then after time, the degree of good vs. bad in my choices becomes more and more about me and less about others in my life.  It is a spiral down away from other people and from God.

So how do I know what to choose?

17This is what the Lord says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God,
who teaches you what is good for you
and leads you along the paths you should follow. (Isaiah 48:17 NCV)

You see I have found that the quality of my relationship with Jesus does affect the choices that I make.  The one place that I have found to be an undeniable source of good choices to make is the Bible.  But even here I still mess up.  So, in the end, I have only to trust in God to lead me.   Without Him, I consistently choose things that aren't the best.  But God loves me enough to choose the best things.  These can be painful at times, but they help me grow!  Just like an athlete practices, breaking down their muscles as they go (1 Cor 9:25), so too do we break things as we go and God turns them into blessings in ways that only he knows how to.  How amazing!

So, which dog are you going to feed in your life?  And how will you know the best choices to make?  Feed the dog that God loves and move out of your love for Him.