Difficult Endings: Death. How do I follow God through this?

My Grandma and Grandpa, years ago... :-)

Do you have anyone close to you?  Do you have anyone close to you that is also close to leaving this world?  Dying?  I do.  My grandmother.  Mom's mom.  Grandma.  She has been struggling with cancer for the last several years but has now reached the point where medicine cannot help her anymore.

I visited her yesterday and shared some very precious time with her.  She had been told a few days before by her oncologist that there was nothing left.  That news was so crushing to her.  Crushing for me too.  My Grandma is only a little while from the eternal.  I have been having a hard time normalizing that in my mind.

This woman is almost like a mother to me in my realm of people that I care about.  She's been there when times had been tough for me.  She's been a cheerleader for my best the whole way through.  She constantly asks me questions about what I am doing and what I am planning on doing.  Questions about how I think about this news story or that person in government.  Questions about my favorite sports teams.  She has promised me that if I ever needed physical help or finances that she and Grandpa would be there for me.  I have been able to trust her to be a safe person to listen to me.  And this wonderful woman is leaving now...

I have been thinking about my own needs coming up, and the needs of my family at home and my larger family.  I have been thinking about my Grandpa and how he might react.  The entire time I have been mulling over the future in my mind I have also been praying.  My wife has been awesome too because she knows how important Grandma is to me and she has blessed me.  But I have relied upon the strength that God gives me to make it through.  Heavily.  I cannot point to a scripture and say that "this Bible passage" helps me.  I do think about what I read in II Corinthians 4:16 which says, "So we do not give up.  Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new every day." (NCV)  Paul writes about how all of us wear down over time.  Although I don't like that fact, I can trust it's true.  But our minds are made new by Christ's graceful gift to us.

So what have I been doing?  Something of everything to be honest.  I feel the desire to hide, to share, to pray, to cry, to shout in anger, to expect the worst, and to tremblingly hope.  She is still here and she still is my Grandma.  All I can do otherwise is trust and have faith that God knows what He is doing and will bring her home before too long.  Please pray for her and for those around her.

Wandering Wondering While Waiting

Everything changes over time...well almost everything.  God--Father, Son, Holy Spirit--does not change, ever.  He is all powerful and all knowing and does not change.  But everything around Him does.  Sometimes I wonder what that might be like, but then it overwhelms my mind and I just can't envision it.  For me though, things change and never the way I expect them to.  Kids grow differently than I think they will.  People react differently than I expect to the things that I say.  Phenomenal changes occur and mess everything up.  Positively or negatively I get stopped often by changes in the world around me.

So how do I adapt to change then?  How do I understand what is coming and what to do when it comes?  The problem lies in the fact that change cannot be predicted conveniently.  There is always something out there that is unknown and will have an effect on how things will go.  Ultimately I am left in the now, this moment, and have to see what is brought into my life.  So how do I do that?

I can prepare the best I can.  I can search online and google for the answers.  I can talk to neighbors and professionals galore.  I can prepare until I am wound up tight and expecting things to change for the worst at any moment.  But, there is a way that I have been learning to follow instead.  I follow God's word in my life.

'For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” But not all the Israelites accepted the good news. For Isaiah says, “Lord, who has believed our message?” Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.'  Romans 10:12-17 (NIV)

And I get all of that: the God who created everything sent Jesus to fix everything so that there is no class distinction between us and all of us can receive salvation because he offers it to us and we have faith because he gave us that as well.  Sometimes I feel like one of the believers and sometimes I feel like one of those that didn't accept it.  But how does that help me hear God's word for me in my own life?  The truth is that it does and it doesn't.  What makes a difference is the fact that it is not just knowing about what Christ did for us, but having a relationship with Him.  "Relationship" is different than just knowing.  It is in my relationship with Him that sometimes I can hear his voice for me.

Sometimes?  Yes, sometimes.  I have found that I personally don't know everything that another person wants or knows.  Even asking them doesn't solve that.  What is the solution?  Sadly there is none.  Things take time from my perspective and often that time was intended to make me ready for the change.  What is important is not what I am going through or where I am at the time.  What is important for me is knowing that regardless of the consequences of the situation, Jesus Christ is with me.  I have but to relax from my anxiety and sense of control and just trust in Him.  An easy thing to do? Nope.  But worth it.

I said no, but they said yes 100 times... 🎎 🖌

I love this video. It inspires jokes and cracks at home about things that we don't want to do or things that our kids are whining about doing.  I found this first in a Facebook post, which I followed to its place on YouTube.  Today I found this article about it.  Basically, though, the video is her explaining the "Why?" question by blaming it on her doll.  Very cute!

The funny part of the situation is that we all do this ourselves.  Our issues may not be an improper use of nail polish.  But we are all good at making excuses for them and ignoring the consequences.  I did a little search to find out how often certain things happen to be discussed in the Bible.

What?	Times?
Kill	1083
Money	249
Sex	212
Sabbath	134
Other Gods	84
Drunk	70
Lying	70
Greed	21
Stealing	13
Covet	11

But my question now is, how often do I think of these things?  How often do I encounter them in my own life?  Do I really think about really killing people?  Or fear being killed?  Rarely, if ever.  But I am reminded of the scripture found in Matthew 5:21-22, where it talks about how anger harbored towards someone, is the same as murder.  I have frequently been angry at other people.  Or what about other things?  Do I worry about or am concerned about money?  Yes!  I may not go out thinking about how I could rob banks, but I find myself jealous of some of the things that others have.  All the things on the above list I have to say at one time or another I was guilty of to some degree.  

I hate lists of things I am not supposed to do.  So I have redefined them in my mind:

• Kill = Support and encourage life and growth which God has designed (i.e., everything!)
• Money = Be good with what God has given me and treat it like I am just a caretaker.  When I see a need, then I get the opportunity to go and meet it if I  am able to.
• Sex = Honor the gifts God has given to others, guard what he has given me and leave the gifts of others alone.
• Sabbath = Honor God with rest.  Even He rested after creating everything.  I need to follow His lead and do the same.
• Other Gods = God is first and foremost in our world.  He created everything, including me!  And He loves me.  Looking elsewhere for inspiration, love, and hope would be like me plugging my laptop into a pile of dirt and expect it to work.

I could go on, but you see that I needed to re-understand what God has for me.  The point for me is to not walk around saying "no" to everything.   But see God's handiwork and learn what He says yes to.  If I look around the world around me I can say that God has said "yes" in so many different ways and so many different places that He overshadows what else might be trying to attract my attention.  I just need to choose to listen.

Ruined *sick!* Vacations!?!? 😰

Have you ever planned a vacation and then had it spoiled by someone getting sick?  I know that I have!  In fact this last Winter Break we had some free time that we were hoping to use productively around town.  However...my wife and I both got pretty sick.  Like five minutes up, and then back to bed for a couple hours more.  Yikes!

There was the "at least we got sick on vacation and didn't have to call in sick" line that we mentioned every now and then to each other.  But what am I supposed to do when I have other plans but then find myself in a place where I cannot participate?  Ideally, do what I can do and do my best to make myself better.  If I can help others I will do that, but I need to ultimately be better to serve better.

Have I ever experienced something similar to this in my personal faith?  ABSOLUTELY!  There have been many times throughout my life where I didn't get it and I chose to do things that were contrary to God's will for my life.  Some of those were either because I didn't realize what I was doing, or I wasn't in a relationship with Jesus Christ.  But there have been more times of spiritual sickness that I have experienced because of things I have chosen to do--since becoming a Christian.

I could create a long laundry list of things that I had done, ways that I found to sin.  But the point for me is that when I stop having good, solid relationships with other people in addition to my relationship with Jesus is the time when I am most apt to choose self-enjoyment, to choose sin in order to make myself feel "better."

During these times I have regretted my choices and then prayed to God, "Please forgive my sins and help me change, amen."  But I had not confessed these mistakes to another human being.

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so God can heal you. When a believing person prays, great things happen." James 5:16 (NCV)

It is in having these other relationships with that we truly get to express what God has already given to us: love.  I can be forgiven, but if I have not loved others, then I have never shared what Christ has done for me. When I get into a place where I feel sick and am hurting spiritually then I need to find people to share with.  Open and honestly.  My only caution for myself when doing this is to make sure I am sharing deeply only with trusted people.  I know I can share past pain with others, without really worrying about their trustworthiness.  But when I am struggling, sick, emotionally unsure, then I need guys around me that I trust and can share with.  How am I doing with that?  I have a couple friends that I can share with, but I need more to be truly open and honest on a regular basis.

God be with us and help us make good friends.

Too much honesty?

How honest do we have to be, really?

Last night in the car my wife and I were talking about how easy it would be to permanently ruin a person's reputation these days.  How many news stories have we heard recently where a woman accuses a man (correctly or not) of sexually assaulting her?  Even if he proves himself clear, he'll never rid himself of that accusation.  Yikes!  As a father of a son, I worry about possible future ramifications for him.  What if some girl tries to accuse him wrongfully?  He'll always have that taint about him. However, as a father of daughters, I would want to be able to crush anyone that mistreated one of them in the wrong way.   Such a knife's edge we have to tread these days!

It wouldn't be an issue if we could just trust what people have to say these days.  If we lived in a culture where no one lied then that wouldn't be something to worry about.  But I guess it would be fair to say the same about the other things we struggle with.  I know that I personally have lied before.  I cannot say, "I will never lie again" either.

How do we lie?  We can outright lie.  We can tell "white lies." We can shift people's attention away from the truth.  We say everything except that one part that would be a lie and stop there.  We can share nothing at all.  We can make excuses for what we did.  We can be downright crooked in everything that we say, or even just a little false once in a while.  But either way, I know that I am still a lier. 

Does it really matter if we lie to people?  They don't really have an eternal impact on my life, do they?  But they do.  I have become really convinced in the last couple of years with how important relationships with others is.  How I treat the world around me affects what my kids will have to deal with when they are adults.  How I treat the people I interact with affects how they feel about me and my effect on my family, my friends, and the world.  How I treat myself forms what I even think is truth and where I am really at in life.  (I know that I can lie even to myself!)  I can pray to God and lie there, but regardless of what my mouth says He knows the truth even better than I do.

So what do I do?  I know that I have lied in my past.  I know that even today I don't have a 100% accurate picture of where I really am at.  I know that I will lie in the future.  But the Bible speaks against lying.  It's even one of the Ten Commandments!

Luckily, I have continued to read through the Bible, not just ending there.  Paul writes to the Romans the following:

“21So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:21-25a, NIV)

Jesus Christ has done what the rest of us are not able to do: He lived a sinless life and then died on the cross so that I would have my sins paid for with His sacrifice.  He then rose from the dead so that I could instead have a relationship with him and live an abundant life!  So regardless of what I have done in my life, regardless of what I fail to do today, and regardless of how I sin in the future, I know that His love and grace cover me!  His love then moves me to seek to be honest in my life, but I don't have to worry about failing.

Let me use a circus example.  Honesty often feels like doing the high wire in a circus show.  I can fall off of the high wire stretched above and I know that God will save me.  He asks me to climb back up and try again, but he is the safety net that keeps me from death.  He is the trainer that offers words of encouragement and correction.  He is the roaring group of spectators that encourages me and celebrates when I succeed and moans when I fail.

The answer to lying?  God very much does not want me to lie.  He desires my honesty in all things at all times.  But he has also recognized that we are very self-centered most of the time.  He has taken care of the consequences as we build our relationship with Him.  I try to not lie in any amount.  But I still do.  God knows because he knows everything--and because in my spiritual life I confess to him (and a mentor) what I do.  I find it so much better to not be perfect but to be real.  Be real too.

Frustration!!! What point is there anyway?

Ever feel frustrated?  I know that I do all the time!  It can be something humongous and complicated or tiny and small.  I have experienced a range of frustrations through my life.  How close that guy was when he cut in front of me in traffic this morning (like just missed my bumper!).  The tone of my wife's voice when she's relating something to me.  Being told that as I continue to grow older my body will be performing less and less as well than it used to--and there is nothing that I can do about that.  Things can really frustrate me, sometimes even to the point where it stops me from progressing onward.

So what am I feeling when I am frustrated?  I have been somewhat surprised to note that I feel many

Sometimes, right???

different feelings when I am frustrated.  I expected frustration to be some form of anger set on a low simmering heat, kind of like the sidewalks in Arizona in the summertime.  But that's not all there is to frustration.  There can be an air of melancholy desperation that causes me to be sad and want to just quit.  There can be the feeling of sinking in quicksand and being stuck, unable to get yourself out.  Frustration rears its ugly head when you are at a point where you cannot see a possibility of changing the situation that you're in.

So how have I learned to deal with frustration? I used to push all my feelings away and just try to disappear from the situation.  I used to try to control the situation, and the people, and how everyone felt about what was going on.  Even still today I still find myself trying to react like I used to: either disappear or use others.  But I have found a different path that I wanted to explore.

What I have found to be my most effective antidote to the clinging cancer of frustration is to know that there is actually a way out.  Whether it would come from me, another person, or God Himself; I need to know that there is a solution.  But how do I come to that knowledge?  It sure isn't easy--I definitely had found that I floundered in frustration's continuous grasp way too often.  When I am frustrated I often get too emotional to hear the truth or make changes in my behavior.  But the truth is what I need to have in my hands in order to break that grasp.




Here's what I have found helpful to find the truth in my situations in life:

1. Ask myself what I am feeling right at that moment.  Then I explore why I am feeling that way.
2. Ask myself what I am thinking.  Does that match my feelings?
3. Look for truth in my feelings and accept them.  Then let go of the things that aren't true.
4. Look for ways that I can follow in order to relieve myself of my frustration.
1. Sometimes I need to actually do something and not just sit there thinking about my frustration.  Am I afraid or angry?  Hungry or tired?  Lonely?  Do I just need to stand up and do my part?
2. Sometimes I need to ask someone else to help me.  This is probably the hardest thing for me to do, personally.  It can add frustration upon frustration if I am not careful.
3. Finally, there are times where there is nothing that I can do, nothing that other people can do, only God can find an answer or solution for me.  This is not a form of giving up, it is ultimately surrendering everything to God and trusting in him.

I have found these verses helpful when I am at the place where trusting God is what I need to do, what I am called to, what I must do:

33 “I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world.” John 16:33 (NCV)

7 Give all your worries to him, because he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NCV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

11 "I say this because I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. 12 Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me!" Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NCV)

2 My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, 3 because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. 4 Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need. 5 But if any of you needs wisdom, you should ask God for it. He is generous to everyone and will give you wisdom without criticizing you. James 1:2-5 (NCV)

I have found peace in these Bible passages when I read through them.  And there are more!  The Bible has many passages that teach us how to accept where we are and then move forward.  Often though I have found that the only thing I need to move is myself--trusting in myself never works as well as trusting God.

Are we truly free, or are we not?

Freedom!
When I hear this word I get an image in my mind from the movie Braveheart, where William Wallace is encouraging his side and yells, "Freedom!!!"  Where in my own life do I have a desire for freedom?  And what is freedom?

Freedom is: noun

1. the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint: "He won his freedom after a retrial."
2. exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.
3. the power to determine action without restraint
4. political or national independence.
5. personal liberty, as opposed to bondage or slavery: "a slave who bought his freedom."

There are times when I feel like there is an enemy and that I am the target of all his attacks.  Whether or not that is true, I long for this feeling of freedom.  But what do I want freedom from?

I want freedom from:

• Pain/suffering
  
• Slavery
• Addiction
• Oppression
• Sexuality
• Cruelty
• Boredom
• Politics
• Self
• Others
• Emotions
• Technology
• The "MAN"
• Religion
• Body/Image
• Gossip/Criticism
• Government
• Too much to do
• Etc...

What am I really asking to be saved from?  What do I really want to be free of?  It seems complicated at first but the truth for me is that I want the freedom to do what I want when and where I want to do it.  But the truth is that we are never truly free.  My actions have consequences.  There is a cost for the things I choose to do, because with every "yes" there are a bunch of "no"s. Sometimes, when I am crying for "freedom," I am asking for there to not be consequences for my actions.  

So what?  There are situations that people these days still desperately need freedom from.  Are they crying needlessly?  No.  There are things that we can do to help them (and ourselves) from oppression.  Important things.  Things that we need to do.  But the greatest source of true freedom that I have ever found is Jesus Christ.  He loves me (and you too) and has worked to free me from the ultimate consequence: death, eternal death.  You see, our lack of freedom in the world ultimately stems from harms derived from a person's sins.  It could be our own sin or that of someone else.  Sin is where we "miss the mark," much like missing the target when shooting an arrow from a bow.  It could cause unintentional pain, or it could have done that because I wanted it to.  But it harms people, it harms me, and it harms Jesus as he took the consequences for it himself.

I don't really know how to explain how that works.  But I have faith that it is true. However, what does that have to do with what I said earlier?  There are ultimately two sides, led by two great sources.  Your choices will determine which one rules your life.  I have found that God's ways are always the best--even when it doesn't make sense in the right now.  The other source is calling me to try to please myself, try to put myself first in everything.  That doesn't seem to be bad, right?  But if I am the center of my own universe the other people in the world are just there to please me.  Does it work though if I am doing that, you are doing that, and we all seek our own selves first?  What that does is lead to envy, strife, hate, anger, fear, and aloneness as you sink further and further away from other people.

"5 Those who live following their sinful selves think only about things that their sinful selves want. But those who live following the Spirit are thinking about the things the Spirit wants them to do. 6 If people’s thinking is controlled by the sinful self, there is death. But if their thinking is controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace. 7 When people’s thinking is controlled by the sinful self, they are against God, because they refuse to obey God’s law and really are not even able to obey God’s law. 8 Those people who are ruled by their sinful selves cannot please God.
9 But you are not ruled by your sinful selves. You are ruled by the Spirit, if that Spirit of God really lives in you. But the person who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to Christ. 10 Your body will always be dead because of sin. But if Christ is in you, then the Spirit gives you life, because Christ made you right with God."  

Romans 8:5-10 (NIV)

For me, my life was headed towards death.  I thought that I was going to be okay because I had said the prayer where I told God I was a sinner and needed Him in my life.  But my actions were stating that I didn't truly believe that.  So instead I continued my sin and tried to lead others to God.  If I had continued my sin I truly would have died and created a bigger hole in the lives of my family than I already had.  I found out that I truly needed a relationship with other Christians and a real relationship with Jesus. Like when I had first prayed that prayer.  I was hopeless. Stuck.  What I needed was freedom and could only get that from Jesus.  I needed to shift who I was putting in the center of my universe.  No more me.  It needed to be Jesus.  I have been glad since then because since I have found a relationship with Jesus I have never been closer to Him than I am right now. Am I perfect?  No.  Do I still sin?  Yes.  Am I finding a difference in my life?  Absolutely, and the Holy Spirit is working on who I am as I learn to be more open and intimate with Him.  Freedom?  Yes, most definitely!  From what I thought I wanted?  No.  But freedom from sin and a relationship with someone greater than I could ever imagine is what I have gained.

Centering Prayer...a hug from God?

Centering Prayer?

I've been reading a book called Sacred Pathways written by Gary Thomas and have thoroughly enjoyed it.  Here is a quote of one of the things I have enjoyed from his book:

"The purpose of centering prayer is not to cultivate feelings or create a 'spiritual experience'; it  is sumply to rest in and enjoy the blessed presence of God.  For those who question this, we need merely to look to the human example.  The deepest kind of love is often that wich allows you to rest in another's presence with out saying or doing anything, just enjoy being together.  If a husband can feel this way with his wife, or a sister with her sibling, or a mother with her infant, why can't Christians enjoy this with the God?"  (p. 199) 

What I've enjoyed is how he has gone through different styles of how we worship the Lord.  We each have certain ways and things that draw us closer to God and he goes through each one.  I found this quote in the chapter on "Contemplatives."  I really enjoyed how he connected this with the human experience.  When he wrote the part about the parent with a child I totally pictured myself cuddling my youngest daughter this morning and simply enjoying being there with her.  Nothing else on my mind but enjoying our presence together.  Then I connected that situation with God and imagined how amazing that is to be in that place.

In truth, centering prayer is not something that you do.  It's more of something you don't do.  You stay focused on God and use words to redirect yourself back to Him.  I know that my own mind races too fast to control at times--especially when I need to focus on something specific.  It's like that moment in the movie "Up" where the group of dogs see a squirrel and totally lose track of their conversation.  We use the word to bring us back to the focus on God's presence because that is why we're praying this way: to simply enjoy the presence of our God, our Lord, our Creator, our Savior, our Spirit.  We are simply seeking to be in His presence and allow Him to speak to us and guide our prayers.

It's like seeking a big, warm hug from our Father in Heaven.  He created us.  He planned for us.  He loves us.  Like his kiddos, we can seek to be in his presence and just enjoy that.

Best friends can hug...

Little kids can hug...

Father and son can hug...

Even monkies can hug!

 Let's go get a hug!

Peace!

 I remember waaaaaaaay back to my days in school.  Specifically, elementary school.  What I remember is that they told us to use the sign on the right side of this blog to be quiet.  They told us it meant we needed to be quiet.  If we weren't quiet they would come up and be more forceful and less polite as they asked us to be quiet.  Seemed at odds with what the sign meant even more years back.  In fact, when I was younger, seeing those pictures I wondered why they were always telling people to be quiet.  When I was older I found out that it was actually the peace sign that you could take with you.  Wow, huh?

Peace, what does it mean to you?  I know that over the years it has meant different things.  To someone in the time of Edgar Allen Poe, it meant to be calm and quiet.  To those in the 60's, it was part of a movement which wanted the wars to stop and people to be nice to one another (hence the hand and circle signs).  To us, it means different things even today.  So, what does "peace" mean to you?

My own definition of peace has changed over the years.  It started as being a boring time where I wasn't supposed to do anything or to speak.  Later I thought of it as some sort of hippy nonsense that didn't mean anything in today's world.  When I was older and working I wanted "peace" to fall over those gathered with me and so that they'd quiet down.  Most recently I have had a fundamental shift as to its meaning in my life.

For me now, peace is not something that I can make or give.  It is a certainty that God has a great love for me and that he has things planned out, all I need to do is trust Him the best that I can.  Peace is a calming, overwhelming sense of security, regardless of what is going on or happening.  Peace is knowing that whatever I face, God wins (and through my relationship with Him so do I).  It is awesome to experience that kind of peace.  It is something that no person, city, government, or country can truly provide.  It is only available through God and your relationship with Him.  I have thought that peace was just an emotion or an action to complete. I am glad that it comes from God through Jesus' self-sacrifice empowered by the Holy Spirit.  God keep me in your peace.

Philippians 4:6-7
 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Which way to go?

A few months ago I was asked about what I felt called to do in my life.  For some reason, this question stumped me upon hearing it.  I didn't have an automatic answer.  There was no, "I am already doing it."  Nor was there an, "I wish I was doing this..."  I sat there and said, "Huh?" instead.  How does one really answer this question without becoming glib in reply?

While thinking about this I remembered a story that a speaker told once during one of his talks.  He stated that we all have two dogs inside us.  We keep them and are responsible for feeding them and giving them time to exercise.  He labeled them the Black Dog and the White Dog. (You can use whatever designation you wish for this in your own life...)  He told us that how we feed them is through the things that we choose to do in our lives.  When we choose positive things we feed the White Dog.  When we choose negative things we feed the Black Dog.   He used this story to tell us about the choices that we make in our lives.  We choose who to feed.

Which dog to feed?  White or Black?  They don't like each other and will fight to get us to choose
things that would feed them and starve the other. You see you can only feed one at a time and the other starves.  Over time the strongest, most well-fed dog will tell the choices we make in our lives.

But how can I tell which dog I am feeding?  How can I tell which actions feed the White or Black dog?  I know that personally, I tend to seek to choose things that please myself.  I will do positive things in my life but ultimately I choose the ones that make me happy.  Which I have found leads me down into a spiral of death.  Because at first, I choose things that are fairly good. But then after time, the degree of good vs. bad in my choices becomes more and more about me and less about others in my life.  It is a spiral down away from other people and from God.

So how do I know what to choose?

17This is what the Lord says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God,
who teaches you what is good for you
and leads you along the paths you should follow. (Isaiah 48:17 NCV)

You see I have found that the quality of my relationship with Jesus does affect the choices that I make.  The one place that I have found to be an undeniable source of good choices to make is the Bible.  But even here I still mess up.  So, in the end, I have only to trust in God to lead me.   Without Him, I consistently choose things that aren't the best.  But God loves me enough to choose the best things.  These can be painful at times, but they help me grow!  Just like an athlete practices, breaking down their muscles as they go (1 Cor 9:25), so too do we break things as we go and God turns them into blessings in ways that only he knows how to.  How amazing!

So, which dog are you going to feed in your life?  And how will you know the best choices to make?  Feed the dog that God loves and move out of your love for Him.

We all want "safety," right?

"We all want 'safety,' right?  I have been thinking about this question for quite a long time.  It is a desire that I have especially for my kids.  I look at each one of them and hold them so precious that I want them protected and safe.

We want the things that we love in life to remain safe and undisturbed.  I want the ability to send my kids out to play and not worry about them getting hurt, or kidnapped, or even hurt by friends.  I want them to be safe and unmolested.  I want the things that I build or decorate to remain as is and not be vandalized.  I want to sing and not have my song interrupted by someone else.  I want all that I have to do to not challenge or confront me.

I view life as a place where I am a monkey that always has friends and bananas ready when I want them.  Heaven on Earth, right? Want to join me?

However, I have also found in life that I don't grow or change without challenges.

But how can I let the things I love venture out into places where safety may not even be possible?  Can I really let go of even myself and go out in those areas too?  Should I not have rules and regulations that keep me safe?

What immediately comes to mind is the playgrounds where I've taken my kids to go and have some fun.  I don't know if you've noticed that for a number of years our playgrounds have become more and more protected.  I know that I have.  For me, this has not been a good thing.  It seems that they are making the play stuff so safe that fun is being wrung out.  I think about growing up and using swings that were probably 20 feet tall.  Swinging hard and then jumping off, smiling the whole time!  Yet today's swings sets are barely 8 feet tall--if that.  I remember jumping off and hurting myself--and using the experience as a lesson so that next time I can do it better.  Today we are so worried about getting sued that we opt for safety.

How far is my desire to be safe changing who God has created me to be?  If safety is my goal, then I become someone who would go around with a notepad and pen, writing down things that I deem unsafe.  I would put down those around me who allowed or caused things to not be safe--even telling them to change what they do.  I would have a list of rules a mile long that I feel everyone should know and follow.  I would become what they call these people in the Bible: Pharisee.  How often, even in today's world do we tread that path in some way at some time?

I have been convinced through conversations that I have had with people and connecting that with what I've read in the Bible.  Safety comes with problems that I have no power to correct.  It even may be a wrong manner of living.  Security is something that is promised to all of us.  Something that we should expect from the Lord.  Yet, that security is not the same as safety.

Security, what is that?  For me, it's trusting that the all-powerful God has promised me that I am His and will always be protected by him.  I know ultimately where I will end up: heaven, in His presence!  So then the question I have for myself is, why then do I fear what might happen to me here and now?

What do I need to do next?  I have realized that at times I want safety more than I want God's provision.  I want to feel good rather than experience the wonder that God can accomplish in my life and the lives of those around me.  I focus on good enough rather than seek and ask God for His best.  So what to do?  It may be different for you, but I am learning more and more about my relationship with Jesus.  I am facing uncertain situations knowing that God will keep me secure and have been trying to let go of my anxiety and fear of what could happen.  I will be looking for more opportunities to be a blessing in the lives of those around me and go places where I know that will be the case.

Only when I trust God do I come closer to knowing Him more fully.  Only when I trust will I experience the miracle of being one of His. As the Bible says:

"I am the Lord your God,
who holds your right hand,
and I tell you, ‘Don’t be afraid.
I will help you.’" Isaiah 41:13 (NCV)

Let us allow God to help us!