Ruined *sick!* Vacations!?!? 😰

Have you ever planned a vacation and then had it spoiled by someone getting sick?  I know that I have!  In fact this last Winter Break we had some free time that we were hoping to use productively around town.  However...my wife and I both got pretty sick.  Like five minutes up, and then back to bed for a couple hours more.  Yikes!

There was the "at least we got sick on vacation and didn't have to call in sick" line that we mentioned every now and then to each other.  But what am I supposed to do when I have other plans but then find myself in a place where I cannot participate?  Ideally, do what I can do and do my best to make myself better.  If I can help others I will do that, but I need to ultimately be better to serve better.

Have I ever experienced something similar to this in my personal faith?  ABSOLUTELY!  There have been many times throughout my life where I didn't get it and I chose to do things that were contrary to God's will for my life.  Some of those were either because I didn't realize what I was doing, or I wasn't in a relationship with Jesus Christ.  But there have been more times of spiritual sickness that I have experienced because of things I have chosen to do--since becoming a Christian.

I could create a long laundry list of things that I had done, ways that I found to sin.  But the point for me is that when I stop having good, solid relationships with other people in addition to my relationship with Jesus is the time when I am most apt to choose self-enjoyment, to choose sin in order to make myself feel "better."

During these times I have regretted my choices and then prayed to God, "Please forgive my sins and help me change, amen."  But I had not confessed these mistakes to another human being.

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so God can heal you. When a believing person prays, great things happen." James 5:16 (NCV)

It is in having these other relationships with that we truly get to express what God has already given to us: love.  I can be forgiven, but if I have not loved others, then I have never shared what Christ has done for me. When I get into a place where I feel sick and am hurting spiritually then I need to find people to share with.  Open and honestly.  My only caution for myself when doing this is to make sure I am sharing deeply only with trusted people.  I know I can share past pain with others, without really worrying about their trustworthiness.  But when I am struggling, sick, emotionally unsure, then I need guys around me that I trust and can share with.  How am I doing with that?  I have a couple friends that I can share with, but I need more to be truly open and honest on a regular basis.

God be with us and help us make good friends.

Psalm 51: Responsibility and God

Have you ever had a bad day?  Not just a, "Got up on the wrong side of the bed," kind of day but one that truly sucks?  I know I have--many times.  Some have been health-related, out of my control, days.  Like the day I ended up rolling over in a Honda Civic three times with four other guys and survived.  Or the day where I was diagnosed with cancer and spent many, many, many days dealing with and healing from that close-to-death disease.  But none of those days left me with shame like the ones caused by my own decisions and choices.

What do I mean?  When I read through Paul's first letter to Timothy and read these words:

15 What I say is true, and you should fully accept it: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst. 16 But I was given mercy so that in me, the worst of all sinners, Christ Jesus could show that he has patience without limit. His patience with me made me an example for those who would believe in him and have life forever.  (1 Tim 1:15-16 NCV)

Those words really struck a chord in my soul as I read them.  They were written by Paul who was considered to be one of the top leaders in the developing church and yet he still considered himself to be the worst of all sinners--and therefore greatly blessed by God's grace.  I too have felt myself to be someone who has sinned greatly in my life.  There have been many times in my life where I asked myself the question, "Should I do God's work today? Because I just did..." and would go ahead and do it but feeling increased guilt and shame as I did.

Then I heard from someone that God is bigger than we are.  I can't remember his name but I have been greatly affected by that statement.  God is bigger than my mistakes.  God can truly take everything I've done (sinful or not) and work that into the story of His grace for me.  I can take the prayer of King David found in Psalms 51:5-12 (NCV)

⁵ I was brought into this world in sin.
    In sin my mother gave birth to me.

⁶ You want me to be completely truthful,
    so teach me wisdom.
⁷ Take away my sin, and I will be clean.
    Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness;
    let the bones you crushed be happy again.
⁹ Turn your face from my sins
    and wipe out all my guilt.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, God,
    and make my spirit right again.
¹¹ Do not send me away from you
    or take your Holy Spirit away from me.
¹² Give me back the joy of your salvation.
    Keep me strong by giving me a willing spirit.

One of the things that made David a "Man of God" was how willing he was to turn and change when God called him to do that.  He took responsibility for his mistakes. He did not blame others or the situation.  He was by no means a sinless man, but he understood that he had a relationship with the Creator and Redeemer.  I have a model in Scripture that is not perfect, yet still longs for his Savior and wants to work his life in the ways of God.  That's what I want to do too.

I found this picture when doing some research on this blog.  Enjoy!

( I found it here: http://derekbruff.org/blogs/sketchnotes/2017/02/26/passion-psalm-51/ and he has awesome others to check out too!)

Why did I get sick???

I just came back to work after being sick this last weekend.  It was not fun.  I was fairly tired all the time, and queasy, and just wanted to wrap up in warm blankets and go to sleep.  Today I'm still a little sick, but I am trying my best to power through and be productive.  I don't feel good.

So I asked myself this question, "Why would a loving God let me be sick?"  Isn't that a question that we all have from time to time? Often if someone we know is sick--especially when they are REALLY sick.  I am reminded of the Bible verse that says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Phil 4:13)."  So if this is true, why can't I get better?  Or, in my mind, better now rather than later.  Even if I have others pray for me (see James 5:16) I don't always get better in the way I visualize.  So why does God let me be sick?

I have read through the Bible several times over these last many years that I have been in a relationship with Jesus.  I have read many different places where God has allowed people to be sick.  Some were sick because of their choices.  Some were sick because God wanted to glorify Himself through healing them.  Some were sick because it kept them humble.  Some we just don't know why they were sick.

Often we cannot tell why we were sick at a certain time or in a certain place.  I was very sick several

My family and I at the Run of Hope, a
5k designed to raise money to fight brain
cancer in kids.

years ago.  I was diagnosed with cancer.  There are several ways that I am still recovering from that sickness.  And its a burden because the kind of cancer I have does not get "fixed," it just "goes to sleep" and will reappear sometime in the future.  Why did God let me go through that?  Why did that pain and suffering also need to be inflicted on my wife and kids?  For a significant amount of time, it changed how my family interacted and created several things that have been very difficult for me to accept and some that were extremely frustrating for me.

So why?  I still don't know today.  I have heard and spoke with several people who have had cancer, or knew someone close who struggled with cancer.  It may have been related to poor choices I had made in my past.  It may be something God gave me to really humble myself and accept the help of other people in my life--something I desperately needed to learn at the time.  I also ask myself quite often, "Why did I survive this very difficult form of cancer and others fail?"  The truth is that I don't know.  It could be any, or all of, or none of the possibilities listed above.

There is a piece of Scripture that gives me some peace in my heart:

"7 So that I would not become too proud of the wonderful things that were shown to me, a painful physical problem[b] was given to me. This problem was a messenger from Satan, sent to beat me and keep me from being too proud. 8 I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.” So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can live in me. 10 For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong."  2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NCV)

Paul was a servant of the Lord that did many mighty deeds through the power Christ gave him, and he still became ill and God wouldn't heal him of that affliction.  Despite all the churches he started, despite all the prayers he prayed and people he healed, God did not heal him.  The encouraging line in this passage is "When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you." I have come to value the times where I struggle and need to rely on the strength of God to make it through.  I won't say that they were fun times.  But they were times of growth for me, and a pattern of faith I can show other people.

So will I ever know the answer to why was I sick?  Probably not.  Am I okay with that?  Yes, because my God's power is made perfect in my weaknesses.