Psalm 51: Responsibility and God

Have you ever had a bad day?  Not just a, "Got up on the wrong side of the bed," kind of day but one that truly sucks?  I know I have--many times.  Some have been health-related, out of my control, days.  Like the day I ended up rolling over in a Honda Civic three times with four other guys and survived.  Or the day where I was diagnosed with cancer and spent many, many, many days dealing with and healing from that close-to-death disease.  But none of those days left me with shame like the ones caused by my own decisions and choices.

What do I mean?  When I read through Paul's first letter to Timothy and read these words:

15 What I say is true, and you should fully accept it: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst. 16 But I was given mercy so that in me, the worst of all sinners, Christ Jesus could show that he has patience without limit. His patience with me made me an example for those who would believe in him and have life forever.  (1 Tim 1:15-16 NCV)

Those words really struck a chord in my soul as I read them.  They were written by Paul who was considered to be one of the top leaders in the developing church and yet he still considered himself to be the worst of all sinners--and therefore greatly blessed by God's grace.  I too have felt myself to be someone who has sinned greatly in my life.  There have been many times in my life where I asked myself the question, "Should I do God's work today? Because I just did..." and would go ahead and do it but feeling increased guilt and shame as I did.

Then I heard from someone that God is bigger than we are.  I can't remember his name but I have been greatly affected by that statement.  God is bigger than my mistakes.  God can truly take everything I've done (sinful or not) and work that into the story of His grace for me.  I can take the prayer of King David found in Psalms 51:5-12 (NCV)

⁵ I was brought into this world in sin.
    In sin my mother gave birth to me.

⁶ You want me to be completely truthful,
    so teach me wisdom.
⁷ Take away my sin, and I will be clean.
    Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness;
    let the bones you crushed be happy again.
⁹ Turn your face from my sins
    and wipe out all my guilt.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, God,
    and make my spirit right again.
¹¹ Do not send me away from you
    or take your Holy Spirit away from me.
¹² Give me back the joy of your salvation.
    Keep me strong by giving me a willing spirit.

One of the things that made David a "Man of God" was how willing he was to turn and change when God called him to do that.  He took responsibility for his mistakes. He did not blame others or the situation.  He was by no means a sinless man, but he understood that he had a relationship with the Creator and Redeemer.  I have a model in Scripture that is not perfect, yet still longs for his Savior and wants to work his life in the ways of God.  That's what I want to do too.

I found this picture when doing some research on this blog.  Enjoy!

( I found it here: http://derekbruff.org/blogs/sketchnotes/2017/02/26/passion-psalm-51/ and he has awesome others to check out too!)

Perfect Love?

1 John 4:18

I have been reading a book on "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown which is a calling to leave a life of fear and step out into a life filled with risk and intimacy.  It has hit me in many different places as I have read it.  You see, I am a man filled with anxiety and fear.  I grew up that way.  At times I have viewed my "cool as a cucumber" disconnectedness as a benefit or strength in myself.  However, recently I found myself isolated and friendless.  Ouch.

It's interesting that we often view our "defenses" as strengths.  I viewed my self-isolation as a way of keeping myself free and safe.  Yet it hurts my family because as I isolate myself from specific things, I eventually find reasons to isolate from everybody--whether or not I really wanted to.

One of the things that I keep remembering as I have been trying to fight my own self-view and mode of acting is that with my relationship with Christ I gain a very important, very powerful, very loving friend.  But I need to open up and not isolate myself from Him.  Which honestly opens me up to do the same with those around me too.  Scary!  I desire intimacy with Jesus greatly.  I want to know the plans God has for me.  I want to be saved from my mistakes.  I want someone who unconditionally loves me as exactly who I am.  God provided us with His Son for that very reason.  But I am in a practice of putting up a wall between myself and others.

"18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 (NIV)

I have struggled with this scripture because it says that perfect love drives out fear.  But I can't do that.  I can't love anyone perfectly.  Not random people.  Not my lovely wife.  Not even myself.  I have found deep in myself a sense of perfectionism that tells me that if I can't do something perfectly, then I just need to "hang it up and go home."  I felt like I was missing the point.  Would God call me to love perfectly?  He should know better than anyone that I can't do that.  So for a long part of my life, I pushed this scripture aside.

The answer is that I did miss the point.  When I am in a relationship with Jesus Christ I do not rely upon what I can or can't do.  I do not rely on my ability to forgive others.  I do not rely on my wisdom to see me through.  I have sinned and he has taken the penalty of that sin from me.  During a sermon that I was listening to, I also realized that I don't love with my own love.  Instead, I receive love from God and love with that.  God's love is a perfect love.

In today's world, I can find much to hate.  The media constantly shows me how the leaders and citizens of the world are broken people.  My response seems to be hate towards those that are causing the pain and suffering of others.  I want the military of my country to go out and punish those who are terrorists.  I want to be protected from possible nuclear war.  I want the police to catch those who hurt people in my own area.  But all of that is positioned in my own sense of hatred--which is lined with my fear.

I remember this quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.:

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." (Ref)

Take that with the passage from 1 John 4:18.  That means that God's love is what drives the hate of the world out.  God's love drives my hate of others out.  God's love drives my hate of myself out.

The only thing that I need to do is to take a very risky step.  I have to open myself up and allow God to be intimate with me.  I need to accept His love.  And based on His love for me I need to open myself up to others.  Easy peasy, right?