My Story... (Part 2)

So, continuing my story from last time, I had given my life to Jesus in high school and expected things to change for me.  And a lot of things did!  But all my life previous to that I had learned to look like the "good boy" despite having things about me that would say otherwise.  I had learned to hide the yucky things that I did.

I think that when I was a junior in high school I was on an awesome retreat called Chrysalis.  It was a pretty extreme retreat where we weren't allowed to know what time it was or communicate with anyone outside.  Not for everybody.  On this retreat, we spent some time in prayer and fasting and God surprised me.  He gave me an idea that I was called to become a pastor.  Wow!  Both incredibly cool and wonderfully scary.  I wasn't sure what this meant for me at the time.  I knew I had a lot of work to get done.

In my senior year of high school, I started a Bible study as an official school club.  I was pretty proud of that because I went to a public high school in Seattle and had to prove that that would be okay.  We met regularly all year and the four or five of us that attended together really enjoyed it.  And also this year I applied to SPU for my college education with a degree in Christian Theology.  It seemed like everything was building up to what I needed to do to become a pastor.  But there were some things in my "closet" that still needed the grace of Jesus.

When does a person know that they are saved and headed to Heaven?  When I first consciously gave my life to Christ, prayed the "Prayer" of salvation, I thought that I was prayed and done.  God would make things better for me and I would be living in the comfort of Heaven from then on.  That's how it works, right?  One and done?  The answer was: nope!  False expectations can twist your thinking around in so many directions that you are dizzy like when you step off that carnival ride that spins around and around by the time it's all done.  But what I'd expected from Jesus was a false expectation.

Despite getting married to an absolutely amazing woman, despite going through a tough process and getting ordained in the church, despite having success in my work and my life, I had trouble following me.  I personally fought with an addiction for most of my life: I was addicted to sex.  I can't count the number of times I wanted to be free from it and prayed to God to take that temptation out of my life.  But He didn't.  I thought I was stuck.  I had found ways to indulge myself since I was young.  I had thought that marriage would fix me.  It didn't.  I had thought that becoming ordained would fix me.  It didn't.  I had thought that reading the right books on becoming pure would help.  They didn't.

My problem was that I had expected God to remove the temptation from my life, but instead, He wants us to have the chance to say "yes" or "no" to it.  His strength would enable me to find a way through but I still would have that temptation in my life.  It seems that my answer was a combination of 1 Corinthians 10:13 and James 5:16.  Not only did I need to pray, but I needed to seek the prayers and help of another lover of Christ.  I needed people in my life that I could be honest with.  But I had isolated myself in my shame that I had no one that was keeping me spiritually honest.  So, in the end, I needed to join a sex addicts' group.

What a change I have experienced through this pile of crap I had gathered and piled up in my life and coming out of it with the help of other people!  I learned that living on my own without other Christians in my life meant I was pointed at hell.  Jesus came to this world not only to pay the price for my sins but to start a relationship with me.  Feeling the love of God and sharing that with others means that I have to be a person in the world who has good relationships with real people.  Love is not a feeling, but an action.  I could pray constantly throughout my life, but if I don't love (share the grace and goodness God gives me) the people around me, I gain nothing (1 Cor 13).

So, did that fix me?  No.  I am still a broken person that makes mistakes in the world around me.  But I am a broken person that gets his strength from Christ.  I am a broken person that follows the path that God has put me on.  I am a broken person that is loved by the other broken people around me.  I am a broken person that has the choice to love those around me too.  The point is not that I will get "fixed" but that I will learn to lean on Christ for help in my life.  No matter what I will face or go through in my life.  My relationship with Christ has been growing by leaps and bounds these last several years--and it encourages me to seek to love those around me too.

Yes, that means that though I have faced times of poverty and have no idea where the money to pay bills will come from I still am loved by Christ.  That means that though I have experienced brain cancer and the prospect of a drastically shortened life I am still loved by Christ.  Though I struggle in my relationships to be present and worthwhile I am still loved by Christ.  No matter where what choices I make in my life, I still have the love God gives to me.  And it is through the love I experience from Christ that I can love others.

Difficult Endings: Death. How do I follow God through this?

My Grandma and Grandpa, years ago... :-)

Do you have anyone close to you?  Do you have anyone close to you that is also close to leaving this world?  Dying?  I do.  My grandmother.  Mom's mom.  Grandma.  She has been struggling with cancer for the last several years but has now reached the point where medicine cannot help her anymore.

I visited her yesterday and shared some very precious time with her.  She had been told a few days before by her oncologist that there was nothing left.  That news was so crushing to her.  Crushing for me too.  My Grandma is only a little while from the eternal.  I have been having a hard time normalizing that in my mind.

This woman is almost like a mother to me in my realm of people that I care about.  She's been there when times had been tough for me.  She's been a cheerleader for my best the whole way through.  She constantly asks me questions about what I am doing and what I am planning on doing.  Questions about how I think about this news story or that person in government.  Questions about my favorite sports teams.  She has promised me that if I ever needed physical help or finances that she and Grandpa would be there for me.  I have been able to trust her to be a safe person to listen to me.  And this wonderful woman is leaving now...

I have been thinking about my own needs coming up, and the needs of my family at home and my larger family.  I have been thinking about my Grandpa and how he might react.  The entire time I have been mulling over the future in my mind I have also been praying.  My wife has been awesome too because she knows how important Grandma is to me and she has blessed me.  But I have relied upon the strength that God gives me to make it through.  Heavily.  I cannot point to a scripture and say that "this Bible passage" helps me.  I do think about what I read in II Corinthians 4:16 which says, "So we do not give up.  Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new every day." (NCV)  Paul writes about how all of us wear down over time.  Although I don't like that fact, I can trust it's true.  But our minds are made new by Christ's graceful gift to us.

So what have I been doing?  Something of everything to be honest.  I feel the desire to hide, to share, to pray, to cry, to shout in anger, to expect the worst, and to tremblingly hope.  She is still here and she still is my Grandma.  All I can do otherwise is trust and have faith that God knows what He is doing and will bring her home before too long.  Please pray for her and for those around her.

Is Jesus really the only way to heaven?

Is Jesus really the only way to heaven?  How would I know?  What would convince me?  What about the other explanations out there?  There are a ton of explanations out there for how to get to heaven, and what that means to us.

This is something that humankind has thought about, argued for, and fought over since before we even were able to write.  From the polytheism of the Ancient Egyptians to the monotheism of the Israelites, to the whatever you want from the New Age movement, to the "There is no God" non-theism of secular thinking.  We are always asking the question of, "Where will we go in the future when we die?"  Whether we think we are going to float over a river in the afterlife and have to "pay the boatman" or just cease to exist, we all believe something.

Wait, we all believe something?  Yes, we do.  But what if I say that, "I don't believe that there is a god, or that I am not sure?  I don't believe in anything then, right?"  No.  The belief itself may not be a strong one, but whatever we would say is the answer is still a belief.  Even if it is, "I don't know." And belief is something that we have faith in–and faith, in the end, is our own choice.  We may have good reason to believe something, but at the end of the day, we still have to make a choice.  Even if the choice is to be unsure and "not choose" an answer.

So, what do I believe? I believe that Jesus was real and that what he taught was true.  Which then means that I believe in the scripture that presents Him, the Bible.  Which means then that I believe the whole Bible is true.  Which then means that I believe that God created the "everything" and that I follow Him.  Which also means that I believe Jesus died on the cross, was buried, and came back to life, so that He could send us His Holy Spirit and that we could be with him in heaven.

But, is Jesus the only way to heaven?

Jesus, himself, had said that he is the only way to heaven.  "Jesus answered, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. The only way to the Father is through me.'" (John 14:6 NCV)*  Which I have heard many people state that if we believe Jesus is a trustworthy person, then we cannot just brush past what he said here.  I know that there are people out there who might say otherwise, but if I believe in Jesus, then I need to accept what He told us.  And others in the Bible agreed.  I found that the apostle Peter in Acts 4:12 says, "Jesus is the only One who can save people. No one else in the world is able to save us."  (NCV)*  The apostle John has written many books of the Bible, including the above quote (John 14:6).

So that is what I believe, but do I have any stories confirming my beliefs?  Yes, I do!  There have been many times in my life that I have felt God's hand upon me and my family.  There have been times where my family didn't have enough money to pay for food to eat or to keep the electricity on.  Yet, just at the right time, some Christian had brought us hope and just enough to get by with.  There have been multiple times where I truly believe that God saved me from death.  I also have seen Him working in my children as they have been learning about faith and Jesus.

So what does that really mean?  What am I saying when I believe in Jesus?  The truth is that believing in Jesus is more than just saying a prayer and thinking, "Okay, got that one taken care of!"  Believing in Jesus is actually developing a relationship with God.  Through prayer, reading scripture, celebrating with a group of fellow Christians, and doing works in response to the love I've experienced from God.  Does confessing my sin to Jesus and indicating a reliance on Him save me?  Instantaneously!  But also, I need to continue that relationship with Him.  Just like getting married means that I have a wife.  Just talking to her once per day or per week, (or longer...) and sharing my needs without listening to her just leads to a crappy self-centered relationship.  Who would want to live long-term with someone like that?  The same applies to our relationship with God.

This is not an "either-or" situation.  It is a "both-and" situation.  I need to pray for God's grace through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ; AND declare my love for God through my actions in response to His love for me.

So, what do you believe and why?

Just remember that this coming Sunday is Easter... :-) 

*Scriptures found in a similar post, https://www.gotquestions.org/Jesus-only-way.html

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."

The Usual Suspects (1995) is a movie where the people who watched it, enjoyed it much more than the critics who rated it.  It's a whodunit that eventually reveals itself to be something different.  But the key line from this movie is "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."

Now putting the movie itself aside, this quote totally reminds me of C.S. Lewis and a book he wrote titled The Screwtape Letters.  This book is a series of letters sent from an "Uncle devil" to his nephew and gives him tips on how to lure people away from God.  At one point he said something very similar to his nephew, "Our policy, for the moment, is to conceal ourselves."  And he talks about the difference between now and other times lamenting the difference.

So what about me?  Do I believe there is "the devil" out there?  Do I believe in a force that opposes God and works against him?  Do I believe in demons and spirits that can infest a person, possess, or oppress them?  In short, yes I do.

Do I think that the devil is a red fleshed character with a tail and horns that laughs at and screws with people from a fiery hole somewhere?  Not really.  But I have experienced his workings in people as I have prayed for them.  I have felt his oppression in my own life.  I have experienced troubles and pains during times when God is working well in the area around me.  I have been distracted and caught up in meaningless squabbles during times when my focus needed to be with God.  I have prayed for others to be released from possession and oppression in the name of Jesus Christ and watched as they were freed.  I, myself, have been prayed for to receive protection from God.

So what do I do about it?  I trust in the Lord that His power is more magnificent and powerful and eternal than those who oppose Him.  I trust the Bible when it says that despite the current "battle" and where it is headed, God has already won the war.  I know that if I need protection I have brothers and sisters in Christ that can and do pray for me.  But I do not ignore the presence of those things that can pull me away from God.

'Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so God can heal you. When a believing person prays, great things happen. '  (James 5:16 NCV)

 'I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength.'  (Philippians 4:13 NCV)

'“I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world.”'  (John 16:33 NCV)

So, what about you?  What do you believe and why is that?  I have shared my experience but I would love to hear yours!  For or against, I believe we all have something to say.

I said no, but they said yes 100 times... 🎎 🖌

I love this video. It inspires jokes and cracks at home about things that we don't want to do or things that our kids are whining about doing.  I found this first in a Facebook post, which I followed to its place on YouTube.  Today I found this article about it.  Basically, though, the video is her explaining the "Why?" question by blaming it on her doll.  Very cute!

The funny part of the situation is that we all do this ourselves.  Our issues may not be an improper use of nail polish.  But we are all good at making excuses for them and ignoring the consequences.  I did a little search to find out how often certain things happen to be discussed in the Bible.

What?	Times?
Kill	1083
Money	249
Sex	212
Sabbath	134
Other Gods	84
Drunk	70
Lying	70
Greed	21
Stealing	13
Covet	11

But my question now is, how often do I think of these things?  How often do I encounter them in my own life?  Do I really think about really killing people?  Or fear being killed?  Rarely, if ever.  But I am reminded of the scripture found in Matthew 5:21-22, where it talks about how anger harbored towards someone, is the same as murder.  I have frequently been angry at other people.  Or what about other things?  Do I worry about or am concerned about money?  Yes!  I may not go out thinking about how I could rob banks, but I find myself jealous of some of the things that others have.  All the things on the above list I have to say at one time or another I was guilty of to some degree.  

I hate lists of things I am not supposed to do.  So I have redefined them in my mind:

• Kill = Support and encourage life and growth which God has designed (i.e., everything!)
• Money = Be good with what God has given me and treat it like I am just a caretaker.  When I see a need, then I get the opportunity to go and meet it if I  am able to.
• Sex = Honor the gifts God has given to others, guard what he has given me and leave the gifts of others alone.
• Sabbath = Honor God with rest.  Even He rested after creating everything.  I need to follow His lead and do the same.
• Other Gods = God is first and foremost in our world.  He created everything, including me!  And He loves me.  Looking elsewhere for inspiration, love, and hope would be like me plugging my laptop into a pile of dirt and expect it to work.

I could go on, but you see that I needed to re-understand what God has for me.  The point for me is to not walk around saying "no" to everything.   But see God's handiwork and learn what He says yes to.  If I look around the world around me I can say that God has said "yes" in so many different ways and so many different places that He overshadows what else might be trying to attract my attention.  I just need to choose to listen.

Psalm 51: Responsibility and God

Have you ever had a bad day?  Not just a, "Got up on the wrong side of the bed," kind of day but one that truly sucks?  I know I have--many times.  Some have been health-related, out of my control, days.  Like the day I ended up rolling over in a Honda Civic three times with four other guys and survived.  Or the day where I was diagnosed with cancer and spent many, many, many days dealing with and healing from that close-to-death disease.  But none of those days left me with shame like the ones caused by my own decisions and choices.

What do I mean?  When I read through Paul's first letter to Timothy and read these words:

15 What I say is true, and you should fully accept it: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst. 16 But I was given mercy so that in me, the worst of all sinners, Christ Jesus could show that he has patience without limit. His patience with me made me an example for those who would believe in him and have life forever.  (1 Tim 1:15-16 NCV)

Those words really struck a chord in my soul as I read them.  They were written by Paul who was considered to be one of the top leaders in the developing church and yet he still considered himself to be the worst of all sinners--and therefore greatly blessed by God's grace.  I too have felt myself to be someone who has sinned greatly in my life.  There have been many times in my life where I asked myself the question, "Should I do God's work today? Because I just did..." and would go ahead and do it but feeling increased guilt and shame as I did.

Then I heard from someone that God is bigger than we are.  I can't remember his name but I have been greatly affected by that statement.  God is bigger than my mistakes.  God can truly take everything I've done (sinful or not) and work that into the story of His grace for me.  I can take the prayer of King David found in Psalms 51:5-12 (NCV)

⁵ I was brought into this world in sin.
    In sin my mother gave birth to me.

⁶ You want me to be completely truthful,
    so teach me wisdom.
⁷ Take away my sin, and I will be clean.
    Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness;
    let the bones you crushed be happy again.
⁹ Turn your face from my sins
    and wipe out all my guilt.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, God,
    and make my spirit right again.
¹¹ Do not send me away from you
    or take your Holy Spirit away from me.
¹² Give me back the joy of your salvation.
    Keep me strong by giving me a willing spirit.

One of the things that made David a "Man of God" was how willing he was to turn and change when God called him to do that.  He took responsibility for his mistakes. He did not blame others or the situation.  He was by no means a sinless man, but he understood that he had a relationship with the Creator and Redeemer.  I have a model in Scripture that is not perfect, yet still longs for his Savior and wants to work his life in the ways of God.  That's what I want to do too.

I found this picture when doing some research on this blog.  Enjoy!

( I found it here: http://derekbruff.org/blogs/sketchnotes/2017/02/26/passion-psalm-51/ and he has awesome others to check out too!)

Centering Prayer...a hug from God?

Centering Prayer?

I've been reading a book called Sacred Pathways written by Gary Thomas and have thoroughly enjoyed it.  Here is a quote of one of the things I have enjoyed from his book:

"The purpose of centering prayer is not to cultivate feelings or create a 'spiritual experience'; it  is sumply to rest in and enjoy the blessed presence of God.  For those who question this, we need merely to look to the human example.  The deepest kind of love is often that wich allows you to rest in another's presence with out saying or doing anything, just enjoy being together.  If a husband can feel this way with his wife, or a sister with her sibling, or a mother with her infant, why can't Christians enjoy this with the God?"  (p. 199) 

What I've enjoyed is how he has gone through different styles of how we worship the Lord.  We each have certain ways and things that draw us closer to God and he goes through each one.  I found this quote in the chapter on "Contemplatives."  I really enjoyed how he connected this with the human experience.  When he wrote the part about the parent with a child I totally pictured myself cuddling my youngest daughter this morning and simply enjoying being there with her.  Nothing else on my mind but enjoying our presence together.  Then I connected that situation with God and imagined how amazing that is to be in that place.

In truth, centering prayer is not something that you do.  It's more of something you don't do.  You stay focused on God and use words to redirect yourself back to Him.  I know that my own mind races too fast to control at times--especially when I need to focus on something specific.  It's like that moment in the movie "Up" where the group of dogs see a squirrel and totally lose track of their conversation.  We use the word to bring us back to the focus on God's presence because that is why we're praying this way: to simply enjoy the presence of our God, our Lord, our Creator, our Savior, our Spirit.  We are simply seeking to be in His presence and allow Him to speak to us and guide our prayers.

It's like seeking a big, warm hug from our Father in Heaven.  He created us.  He planned for us.  He loves us.  Like his kiddos, we can seek to be in his presence and just enjoy that.

Best friends can hug...

Little kids can hug...

Father and son can hug...

Even monkies can hug!

 Let's go get a hug!