Showing posts with label trouble. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trouble. Show all posts

Thursday, April 26, 2018

My Story... (Part 1)


There is something that I love listening to: people's stories about themselves.  My Grandpa Bob loves telling stories about things that happened in his past and I will sit there in rapture visualizing the various scenes that he shares.  We all have stories.  I have a story too!  I thought that this week I'd share a part of my story (if I were to share the whole thing, we'd be here for quite a while... 😁).

I grew up with a single mother and one brother.  We lived in a one bedroom house and my mom had to sleep in the living room to give us all the space we need.  We went to church--often for both services Sunday morning.  My brother and I did many things there.  We were acolytes--cute young kids who lit the candles during the service; we went to Sunday school, Vacation Bible School, and other events held at the church; we were at church during meetings that our mom went to; and for a while we just hung out when my mom did some janitorial work.  I was baptized there and sung in the choir for kids.  They held many concerts there too, which were a mix of fun and boring ones.  It was at this church that I learned about going to church as part of religion.  Something that we do without thinking much about what it means in our lives. 

I had made surface relationships with people throughout the church but never learned that what we learned should really be applied to our personal lives.  I knew God, but nothing about the Trinity.  There was no real exploration of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as the persons of God.  I learned here how to best seem like I was a "good boy."  It seemed that everyone thought that I was a good boy and treated me that way.  I seemed to like that best.  I could "know" people without really knowing them.

This was something that I learned to lean on as I grew up: I knew how to act like a good person but then could do whatever I wanted to on my own.  I wasn't a bad person, but I definitely made some bad choices that ended up hitting me later in life.  I'd lost my virginity and became addicted to pornography by the time I ended my freshman year at high school.  I'd given up my religion and spent time studying Wicca through the beginning of my sophomore year.

Things changed for me in later high school as well: I met Jesus Christ and gave my life to him during my sophomore year.  I'd been dumped by a girlfriend because she said she was looking for a Christian to be with and that made me question what it meant to someone to give up a great relationship (humble of me, right?) because of their beliefs in Christ.  That led me to some of my friends and their youth group.  Ultimately that led me to confess my belief in the fact that I was a sinner and needed the grace that Jesus provides to us through his crucifixion and the everlasting life provided through his resurrection.

My life opened up for me at this point.  I had taken all the mess and uncomfortableness my life had become filled with at this point and gave it over to Jesus.  I no longer needed to worry about being a "good boy" on the outside.  I no longer needed to worry about the consequences of my actions.  I had Jesus' forgiveness on my side.  I had a new view on my life and what it could possibly become.  I had started to find out more about the Trinity and what that might mean to me.  I had received relief and help in my life.  I knew that I had a God on my side that could and would help me to grow and change.  It felt supremely freeing to me.  I had begun to grow.

However, what I'd learned earlier in my life about looking like a "good boy" would still persist and come to make things look good in my life while I was still secretly dying too.  But more on that next time!  What I'd received here was a realization that there is a God in the world who loves us so much that he sacrificed his own life for us.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

"Open the pod bay doors, please, HAL."

Dave Bowman
HAL
Ever have one of those moments when it seems like everything and everyone are against you?  One of those times when it feels like there is someone out there making things happen and that they might be watching you...  Well in the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey the character Dave Bowman was in that particular setting and didn't find that out until he was floating outside the spaceship, locked out by his defective AI computer.  He starts by requesting, "Open the pod bay doors, please, HAL." Which is then followed by HAL's response of, "I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

I know what it feels like to be in that place.  Well, not in the "locked out of a spaceship, floating in space, and need to knock out a defective AI" place exactly.  I have been in that place where you feel like your options are zero and you wonder what else could go wrong.  So what do you do at this point?

You could do any number of things:

  1. Find a corner and hide there.
  2. Create a racket and let everyone else know of your problems and things you can't do.
  3. Belittle those around you and make yourself feel better.
  4. Put on your steely gaze and pretend that there is no problem.
  5. Jump out of your spaceship with no helmet on (example from 2001...)

Actually, I would personally recommend none of the above.  What we need to do at this point is to surrender ourselves and our problems to God.  We need to be within His embrace as we move forward.  I have found that often the answer is not so much what do we do, but who do we cling to?  There is such a warmth and peace present in God's presence.  There is a feeling that no matter what happens next, I am being watched over by the Father, in the grace of the Son, and will go forward through the power of the Holy Spirit.

This isn't a form of hiding or fighting.  It is a recognition that whatever will come next, will need to be faced in the arms of God.  Whether God moves me to hide, fight, flee, or dance and praise His name I need His power to do that.  I can (and have, far too frequently) tried to step out on my own.  The phrase, "I got this..." ran through my mind each time.  What goes through your mind when you are in this situation?  How often has it ended out worse than better?  For me, it ended in greater pain and trouble than I started with.  But is changed when I accepted that I need God in everything.  Everything.  What about you?


I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13 (NCV)
“I know that you can do all things and that no plan of yours can be ruined."  Job 42:2 (NCV)
He prayed, “Abba, Father! You can do all things. Take away this cup of suffering. But do what you want, not what I want.”  Mark 14:36 (NCV)


"God, I am here today and I need you.  Come to my side right now and let me know that you are here.  Be with me and share your voice and peace as I wonder and fear and hurt and want to lash out.  I don't know what to do, but you do.  Please help me to do what I should and not what feels comfortable to me.  I rely on you, utterly and ultimately.  Amen."